I Breathe You
by Ohmybuttahbenzo
Summary: She told her she loved her, but she still left her. Now broken hearted Ashley is doing everything she can to survive, little does she know that Shay is doing the exact same thing as well.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:**

 _She's beautiful. More beautiful than anything else in this entire world. And I'm not talking about the way she looks, it's just the way she is. Shay Mitchell is something out of this world. She's my best friend, and I'm madly in love with her. I know it sounds complicated, but, oh who am I kidding? No buts. It's way too complicated. We could've been, once. It was the most amazing couple of months I ever witnessed. But for some cruel reason, it ended, and now i'm stuck here, staring at her beauty pretending to be her friend when i know, i know that I'm still crazy about her. I'm still madly in love with my best friend._

 **1 Year Ago**

"Benzo!" I hear a voice call me the second i step on set, and without a doubt it's her.

"Hey Shan." I greet her back, she's always so hyper in the mornings, one of the many things I love about her.

"Wanna get coffee with me?"

"Uh yeah, just let me put my stuff away and I'll meet up with you."

"Okay gorgeous don't keep me waiting!" She said walking away, and my heart skips a beat when I hear what she called me.

I meet up with Shay around 10 minutes later and we sit around talking and goofing around like we always do, our friendship has always been different than the rest of the girls, now I know why I'm different with her but I don't know why she's different with me. She couldn't possibly.. _No. Don't even go there. Don't get stuff like that stuck in your head Ashley, you know you won't be able to stop thinking about it._

"So is Ryan coming along to New York?" She surprises me with her question more than she actually should. The truth is, things haven't been so great between Ryan and I lately. Don't get me wrong, he's absolutely amazing. And we've had a great run for the past 4 years, but somewhere along the way I feel like we lost the connection we used to have.

"Uh, I don't know. I don't think so, I haven't really brought it up to him." I shift uncomfortably, avoiding eye contact.

"Why? Is something going on between you two?"

"Um.."

"Ash. You know you can tell me." She grabs my hand to assure her statement.

"It's not really anything that happened, but things aren't really the way they used to be. But it's whatever, i got more important things to focus on right now, including how we're gonna be late if we don't get going right now."

"Shit i didn't even think about that, let's go!"

After wrapping up filming, I headed home. Shay asked me if i wanted to get some dinner but I decided to pass. Now i know what you're thinking, why would I pass a chance of hanging out with Shay? Well, normally I wouldn't. But I was too tired, and i had a lot i needed to figure out. Including this Ryan thing. Especially, this Ryan thing.

After a long night of thinking, I decided he deserves to know the truth, and I just can't really let anything hold me down from what I really want anymore. And even though I loved and respected Ryan a lot, he wasn't what I really wanted, he never was.

"Hey Ry." I greeted him at the restaurant we agreed to have lunch in.

"Hey Ash." He got up and hugged me.

"How are you? You look tired."

"Yeah I didn't get much sleep last night, but I'm good. What about you?"

"I'm good. So cheeseburger?"

"You know it."

The waiter took our orders and i kept procrastinating telling him the truth until we finished eating.

"Hey Ry?"

"Yeah Benzo?"

"I need to talk to you about something."

"Okay?"

"I've been doing a lot of thinking, and i realized something, something I've been doing that's not right. I um, I haven't been honest to myself lately, and I haven't been honest to you either. There's no proper way to do this to be honest, or to talk about this, so i'm just gonna be straight forward. I just, I can't do this anymore Ryan. I don't think we should be together anymore, I'm so sorry." I looked down, ashamed of myself for hurting him but also a little proud for finally saying this out loud.

"Wow, uh can I know why?" He said calmly

 _Should i tell him the truth? He'd understand, i think._

"You want me to be completely honest with you?"

"Always, Ash."

"I feel like somewhere along the way of what we had we lost the magic. I was wondering for weeks on how we lost that, and how we can get it back. But I always knew the truth, deep down, i just never wanted to believe it."

"What is it?"

"Ryan you're the first person I've ever told about this, and i might be making a mistake by doing so but i'm just going to be honest. I um, I.." _My voice kept fading. Am I really going to say it out loud?_

"I'm in love with, with-"

"Shay." He cut me off by surprise, my jaw almost dropping the floor.

"What?"

"You're in love with Shay."

"H-how did you know that?" My voice barely coming out as a whisper

"Come on Ash, i know you. And i'd be lying if i said i didn't see it coming. When we used to go on dates and Shay'd tag along, I'm the one who'd feel like a third wheel because of what you two share. I'm just surprised you didn't say it sooner."

"I'm sorry Ry."

"Don't. Don't ever apologize for how or what you feel. I'm thankful that you were honest with me, and now i need you to be honest with Shay as well."

"I can't tell her, she'd never look at me the same way again."

"You can't keep hiding this forever either Ash."

"I'll hide it as long as I have to. I just can't risk losing her, i'd rather be just friends with her and keep my secret safe, rather than for it to be out and Shay pushing me away."

"You never know what might happen. For example, did you expect me to be this cool about this?"

"Well no not really."

"Okay, you don't know what Shay's reaction might be either. Listen to me Ash, all of these years, I've never met two people like you and Shay who claimed to be only friends. She feels something for you, whether she tells you or not, she does, it's clear as day. And you'll never know unless you ask. You've been hiding this for so long, it's waring you out. Don't do it anymore, you don't have to."

"Yeah I guess you're right."

"You promise you'll tell her?"

"I will, i will. Soon." I wasn't just promising Ryan that, I was promising myself. He was right, I couldn't do this any longer. It's too painful. So i decided to tell her, i decided to tell her in New York.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

We leave for New York first thing in the morning. We were going to stay there for a week, it was basically a mini vacation we planned with the cast and crew, should be a fun time. That is until I remember what i had planned to do when i get there. I told Shay about my breakup with Ryan, never told her the real reason though, just said it wasn't working out anymore. She was pretty supportive, she doesn't know what's going to hit her though.

We all met at the airport, and as usual Shay and I were seated next to each other on the plane.

"Something on your mind Ash?" She asked with a worried voice

"No, no I'm good. You excited?" I tried to ease the tension

"I really am! It's been a while since we've done something like this."

"Yeah it has. And I love New York, you know i've never told anyone this but, i'd really like to move to New York someday."

"As long as you take me with you."

"Always."

After that, we both drifted into sleep. We arrived to New York pretty late, so we all went to our rooms and decided to meet up in the morning.

 _Next Day_

I was awoken by a loud banging on a door, I refused to get up and open it though. But, they still managed to get it anyway.

"Thank you so much for opening the door, my friend's a heavy sleeper." I heard Shay say to one of the employees who apparently had a key to my room.

"Ashley Victoria Benson! Rise and Shine! Come on New York is basically screaming your name." She said

"No I'm pretty sure you're the one screaming." I whined

"Come on Benzo get up."

"Leave me alone." I nagged

"If you don't get up right this second you won't like what's gonna happen to you!"

"I'm so scared." I said sarcastically, still refusing to open my eyes.

"Okay, fine, but don't say I didn't warn you." She suddenly threw herself on me and started tickling me.

"Shay! No!" I said trying to compose my laughs, but it was impossible.

"I warned you Benzo!" She continued doing it, laughing as well.

"Oh-Oh My God! S-Stop! Please!" I was hysterically laughing and out of breath, until Shay finally stopped, however when she did, she was still on top of me and our faces were now only inches apart. After a few seconds of eye contact that felt like eternities, she finally said something.

"We umm, we should probably get going." She said gently removing herself from on top of me.

"You can go if you want to, I'll get ready and meet you downstairs."

"I don't mind waiting."

"Well if you also don't mind seeing me change then okay you can stay." I joked

"Nothing I haven't seen before." She winked, and if I didn't know any better i'd say she was flirting, but she obviously wasn't. However, that didn't stop my face from blushing.

We spent the day wandering around New York City with the rest of our friends. Sight seeing, horse carriage rides, New York Pizza, it couldn't get any better. We all went back to the hotel to prepare ourselves for the evening since we decided to hit the clubs after dinner. I liked that idea, dancing and getting wasted seem like the perfect plan to forget about all the drama for a night. That, however, wasn't as easy as i thought it was going to be.

I thought it was going to be me and Shay dancing the entire time, but boy i thought wrong. There hasn't been a single guy in that club that didn't try to hit on her, and what pissed me off even more is that she let them, she didn't mind it and in fact she even danced with a few of them. So i hit the bar, ordered a couple of shots, and stared at her for the rest of the night while i felt my heart break.

"You know nothing's going to change if you just keep staring at her like that, Ash." Tyler took me by surprise as he sat down in the seat next to me.

"Hmm?"

"Come on Ash, it's pretty obvious."

"What's obvious?" I played dumb

"You don't have to say it for me to know. I'm just saying that you should do something about it."

"What am I supposed to do? Don't you see her? She's far from interested. I'm not gonna make a fool out of myself."

"Drowning yourself in alcohol isn't a solution either."

"I know it isn't, i just don't know what to do." I whispered, tears forming at the edges of my eyes.

"How long?"

"Since I fell for her?"

He nodded

"It's been years now, i just never had the courage to admit it to myself."

"You've been in pain for years about this, how long are you gonna keep this going?"

"I told you, I have no choice!" I spat, clearly getting pissed.

"Ash, there's always a choice." And that's when i lost it, i broke down into tears and couldn't stop myself, until i felt Tyler's arms wrap around me and I calmed down a bit.

"Can we please get out of here? I don't want anyone to see me like this." But the second I was saying those words it was too late, because that's when I saw Shay hurrying her way towards me.

"What's wrong? What happened?" She said in her sweetest most caring yet extremely worried voice. I couldn't answer, though. I was too vulnerable.

"Ash?" She placed her hand on my arm, and that's when I lost it again, but this time i leaned in and wrapped my arms around her neck, holding her closer than ever. I needed to feel her close to me, even if she didn't know why. I loved her. I loved her so much it was killing me.

"Come on baby let's get out of here." I heard her whisper in my ear before she grabbed my arm and we headed out. The cab ride back to the hotel was quite, Shay didn't say or ask anything, she only held me close, and that's exactly what I needed. She followed me into my hotel room, and I expected her to say something, but instead she just asked me to change and guided me towards the bed where we laid for the rest of the night, both drifting into deep sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

I woke up with a pounding in my head and the room spinning around, then it took me a few seconds until i remembered what went on the previous night. I looked over and Shay was nowhere to be seen, she must have went to her room, i figured. I got up and took some pills for my headache then hit the shower. After i changed into some sweats and a t shirt, there was a knock on the door. I opened it and found Shay holding a tray of coffee and muffins.

"Morning sunshine." She said and pressed a kiss on my cheek, which i will admit was a little odd.

"Morning Shan."

"I got you coffee, figured it'd be good for your headache."

"Did i really drink that much last night?"

"You don't remember?"

"I don't know some things just seem like a blur to me."

"Well yeah, you kind of did."

I remained silent hoping she wouldn't go on, because I really didn't know what to say to her if she asked about there reason behind my break down.

"Ash, what's going on with you?" Well, shit.

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not, there's nothing going on. It was probably just some fucked up feelings due to the alcohol in my system. I'm fine."

"It's not just about last night. You're not being, you. It's been a while and i just can tell that there's something bothering you."

"Shay, you're making a big deal out of this."

"Am i?"

"Yes, you are, so can we just please drop it?" She stared at me for a few seconds then sighed in defeat. I was stubborn and i knew that, i just couldn't let her know the truth.

"So what are your plans for the day?"

"Don't really have any, just thought about staying it being lazy all day."

"You are not staying in your hotel room all day when you can be out there exploring New York City, Ashley Benson." Boy you know she's not kidding when she calls you by your full name.

"Well, what do you have in mind?"

"I got us tickets to see Wicked!"

"Wait, really? That's awesome Shay!" I had to admit, that was pretty cool.

"Yep, and after that I was thinking maybe we could go to the Empire State, never really been there before."

"Seems like a plan."

Spending the day with Shay on my own? Can't say no to that! Even though my stomach would cringe every time i remembered last night, and how she was basically into anything and anyone but me, i just couldn't not want to be around her.

Shay and I headed out to see the musical after lunch, and to be honest it was absolutely incredible, better than i thought it would just like planned we went to the Empire State Building, and everything, including time, simply stopped when we reached the top.

"Oh my god." I could hear Shay gasp at the sight of the breathtaking city. There was just something about it, something magical that draws everyone out to it.

"You like it?"

"Like it? Are you kidding me.. This is, just wow."

"I can't believe you've never been here before."

"Always been on my bucket list, i can finally check that out."

"Well, you're welcome." Shay and I laughed, and continued to stare down at the beautiful city lights for a while.

"Isn't New York the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?"

"Second most beautiful." I whispered staring at her, and i was pretty calm until i realized what i had said and starting panicking hoping she hadn't heard it.

"We uh, we should get going. It's getting late and Tyler just texted me saying we're all gonna have dinner together." I nervously stuttered

"Yeah, sure. Let's just take a picture first."

After we took a picture together, it was normal that we uploaded it. However, there was something different about Shay's caption this time. She had always been the more platonic-formal type of person when it comes to captions, but something about this one made my heart skip a beat. It said: "Favorite City with my absolute favorite person. No place i'd rather be."

"So, something about that caption huh Ash?" Tyler said sitting next to me at dinner

"Meh, it's nothing. You know how Shay is."

"Yeah, that's the thing I know how Shay is and this isn't like Shay."

"It's not a big deal TyTy."

"So i understand that you didn't tell her?"

"Of course I didn't."

"She didn't ask you about last night?"

"She did, but i shut her down. What did you expect me to do? Be like, oh hey Shay yeah i was totally crying because i'm heads over heels in love with you?"

"Well no but-"

"But nothing Ty. I just don't think I can do this anytime soon."

"Okay. Just know that when you're ready to do this, I'm here for you."

"I know. Thank you." At that moment Tyler and I hugged, but what I failed to notice right away was how Shay was staring at us, and there was something about the way she was looking. Something in her eyes that hinted, jealousy.

After dinner, we all called it a night and headed to our rooms. Shay and I went together since our rooms were connected, only a door separating them.

"So, what's going on with you and Tyler?" She said, taking me completely by surprise, her tone hinting she wasn't very happy about it.

"What are you talking about?"

"I saw you two hugging. I wasn't born yesterday, Ash."

"You clearly were because if you weren't you would know that I'd never see Tyler that way."

"So there's nothing going on?"

"Of course not Shay!"

"Okay." She smiled, and i felt relief overcome her. Why though?

"Hey Ash i'm not really sleepy, you mind if i hang around in your room for a while?"

"No of course not, i'm just gonna go change in the bathroom."

"Yeah same, i'll be back in a few minutes."

Something about being alone in a hotel room with Shay at a time like this made me nervous, which is weird because i've been in this position before and i've never felt what i'm feeling now. And just when i thought my stomach couldn't be tied into knots any more, Shay steps in the room looking as sexy and gorgeous as ever. She didn't even have anything special on, just some shorts and a tank top, she had even removed her make up. But that's the thing, it's how she doesn't even have to try to look this perfect that sent butterflies down my stomach, and i couldn't stop staring at her beauty.

"Earth to Ashley. You okay?" She waved her hand in front of my face

"What? Yeah i'm okay."

"Wanna watch a movie?"

"Uh yeah sure, you pick."

"The notebook!"

"Ugh not again Shannon."

"Yes again, come on." She grabbed me by the arm but i was so nervous that i unconsciously directly slid my hand away from hers.

"Ash?"

"Yeah." My voice barely a whisper, and i looked everywhere but at her.

"Ashley look at me." I slowly turned around to face her, meeting those perfect dark chocolate brown eyes.

"You're really tense. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine Shay."

"Stop saying that! Why can't you just tell me what's going on?!"

"Because it's not that easy!" I snapped, part of me relieved that i finally let her know there actually is something going on, and another part regretful for what i had just confessed.

"I heard you today, you know." She said calmly

"Heard what?" I did not want to believe what i was about to hear

"When we were at the Empire State Building. I heard what you said, when I asked you how beautiful New York was."

"Sh-shay it's not-"

"Ash." She cut me off, slowly approaching me and taking my hands with hers

"I need to know Ash. I need you to tell me."

"T-tell you what?" I stuttered, avoiding eye contact by all means

"Ashley." She lifted my chin up with her finger so that her eyes met mine. _Wow._

"I need to hear it Ash. I need you to say it. Please."

"Shay I…"

"You what?"

"I'm in love with you."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"I'm in love with you." _Oh my god. Did I just tell her that I loved her?_

Silence. She just stood there and stared at me with wide eyes, and every second that passed by felt like a billion years. I was starting to freak the hell out before Shay broke the silence with her beautiful voice.

"What took you so long?" She smiled, running her thumb over my bottom lip sending shivers down my spine. _What does that mean? Could she possibly feel the same way?_ Before I could continue wondering she breaks me out of my thoughts by pressing her lips on mine, the most heavenly taste ever. It was slow and smooth, but it was passionate as fuck. I tightened my hands in her hair, and kissed her like i've never kissed anyone else before. I spilled all the hurt, emotions, confusion, love, desperation that i've felt for years now into the kiss. I showed her what i've been wanting to show her for so long, that I _wanted_ her. That i've never wanted anyone else in my life. Only her.

Soon enough we were running out of breath and we pulled away, both of us smiling and pressing another peck on each other's mouths.

"Wow." I said

"I know right."

"I did not expect that, Shay Buttah. If i did I would've told you the truth sooner."

"I've been waiting for this to happen since the day I met you." I couldn't believe what I heard, how did I suddenly get so lucky?

"Y-you have?"

"No I'm totally just messing with you."

"Shannon." I playfully slapped her on the shoulder

"Of course I have. I'd be stupid not to, I mean, have you seen yourself?!" I giggled

"Stop, you're making me blush."

"You're so cute." She leaned in and kissed me on the cheek

"I know this may sound silly but, can I take you out on a date?"

"A date in the most beautiful city with the most beautiful girl? Hmm, i'll have to think about it."

"Well, let me know soon will you?" We were smiling so wide

"I'd love to go on a date with you."

"Perfect, then prepare yourself for tomorrow Shannon Ashley."

"Oh I will, Ashley Victoria. Now get some sleep, beautiful." I leaned it to give her one more kiss before we went to bed.

"Good night." I said

"Night babe." _Babe. Babe! Why does she have to be so goddamn cute?!_ Tomorrow is going to be perfect.

I needed something special for my date with Shay, something like those scenes from those cute romantic comedies that no one really watches. Then it hit me. Shay Mitchell, you better prepare yourself because you don't know what's gonna hit you.

I woke up at 9 AM the next day, hopped in the shower, and went out to prepare a few things for our date. However, I did send room service towards Shay's room with breakfast and a little note. I just want to treat this woman like the amazing person she is, she's had her share of crappy uptight boyfriends and I want her to know what she's worth.

 **Shay's POV**

I woke up around 10 AM because of a door knock. I hoped and expected to see Ashley, but instead it was one of the waiters with breakfast.

"Uh, I'm sorry I didn't order anything. I think you have the wrong room."

"Oh no Ma'am, this was ordered for you. We were told to send this to your room, alongside this note. Enjoy." And with that he left, so I grabbed the note and read it.

 _Start your day with something almost as sweet as you. I'll see you in a few hours, gorgeous. Be ready. - Your Benzo_

My Benzo. **My** Benzo. Damn this girl really knew how to warm up my heart. I always had a soft spot in my heart for Ashley, always knew my relationship with her wasn't like the other girls. I've never really thought about it before, but when she confessed her love to me last night, I knew in my heart that it felt right. That's what i've been missing for years now, the empty part of me, Ashley.

So I had the breakfast Ash sent me, showered, and got dressed. I needed a casual but classy and sexy look, I wanted to blow her mind. So I went with some ripped skinny black jeans, a white crop top, some heels and added the accessories necessary. I put on my make up and decided to wait for Ashley in the lobby.

 _Waiting for you in the lobby, babe. - Shay_

I sent her a text letting her know, and a few seconds later I got a reply.

 _Come outside, I'm waiting. xx - Ash_

I went outside to find her, and suddenly I felt the oxygen tighten in my chest. She looked so beautiful, she took my breath away.

"Hey You." I approached her, giving her one of my shy smiles.

"Well don't you look amazing?" She said, checking me out

"I can say the same thing about you." We just stood and stared at each other for a few seconds, smiling. I could tell she wanted to kiss me as much as I wanted to kiss her, but we couldn't do that in public, at least not yet.

"You ready to go?"

"Yeah, sure." We got into a black Range Rover that was parked behind Ashley the whole time.

"So where are we going?"

"You're gonna have to wait and see."

 **Ashley's POV.**

Shay looked absolutely stunning, which made me even more nervous. I had planned a lot of stops for our date, but of course first came lunch. I needed a cute New York class style restaurant to dine in, and what's better than Sardi's, right? So that's where I took her.

"Oh my god Ashley i've always wanted to come here!" She squealed like a little girl on Christmas morning when she saw where we stopped

"Well then what are we waiting for? Let's go!" We got out of the car and went into the restaurant where I had made reservations.

About 2 hours later, after we ate and talked for ages, we left Sardi's and headed to our next stop, Central Park.

We got into one of those cute horse carriage rides first, and it was super romantic. Then we went on a stroll, just walking around in the summer breeze hand in hand, fingers intwined. It was absolutely perfect. When we got tired of walking, we sat on a bench and watched the sunset.

I was caught up in staring at the sunset, that for a second I couldn't hear what she said. She took me by complete surprise.

"I love you." I heard her whisper

"What?"

"I love you." She said, taking my hand in hers.

"I really wanna kiss you right now." I smiled

"So do it."

"You sure?"

She shrugged, so I leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on her lips, just enough for the moment.

We stayed in our position for another half an hour, her head on my shoulder and our fingers intwined.

"Okay, ready for our next and final stop?"

"There's more?!"

"You didn't think it ended here, did you?"

"I did actually."

"Idiot, let's go!"

I took her to a park by the Hudson river, where people spread out blankets and waited to watch the meteor shower that was going on that night. I mean, romantically speaking, what's better than laying down with your lover on grass and watching the stars?

"This is the best night ever. I never want it to end." She said

"Who says it has to?"

"Thank you Ash. No one has ever made me feel so special before."

"You don't deserve to be treated as less. You are special, Shay."

And after that we headed back to the hotel, where we spent the rest of our romantic first date night.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

I woke up feeling arms wrapped around my waist, and soft breathing on my neck. It wasn't just anyone's arms though, and it wasn't just anyone's breathing, it was Shay's. I smiled just at the thought of her, and even though I knew it was almost noon and we had to get up, I didn't dare to move. She looked like an angel sleeping, and you just can't bother an angel now can you? A while later she started stirring and eventually woke up.

"Good morning gorgeous." I said while she rubbed her eyes. _She's so cute._

"Mornin' baby."

"Sleep well?"

"Never slept better." I smiled at her response

"Well come on, it's almost 12 pm and I've gotten more than 7 calls from Lucy and Troian."

"God no I'm so tired." She whined

"You slept for ages why are you so tired?"

"Hmm I don't know, maybe because someone kept me up all night."

"Why what were you doing with that someone?"

"Shut up Ashley." We giggled

"Gimme a kiss." She said grabbing me by the shirt

"Mmm no, morning breath. Go get ready then i'll give you a kiss."

"Ashleeeey.."

"Ashley nothing, get up Shannon."

"Okay, okay i'm up." When she stood up I checked her out, then playfully slapped her butt.

"You know by doing things like that you're not helping me get ready."

"I'll take my chances."

After we both washed up, kissed a little, got dressed, kissed some more, we left our hotel room to meet up with everyone else.

"God finally! What took you guys so long?!" Troian said as soon as she saw us

"Hey give us a break we stayed up late." I said

"What were you two doing?" She asked

"Watching a movie-" " Make overs." Shay and I said at the same time, then stared at each other in panic trying to figure out what to say next.

"We watched a movie first then had some make overs." I explained, totally lying because that's _not_ what went on last night.

"Yeah, that. We um, we totally did that." Shay said thinking she's helping, but she made the situation even more awkward

"Uh, okay. Well now that you are finally here, let's get going." Troian said, pretending to believe what we came up with when I'm sure she didn't buy it

"Where are we going?" Shay asked

"Statue of Liberty!" She said enthusiastically, clearly way more excited than I am. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love to see as much of New York as I can, but in front of the cast I can't be affectionate with Shay and that frustrated me.

After that, we all went to lunch at Red Lobster's, then split up because everyone either wanted to get gifts for their families, see a friend that lived in New York, or do anything. But of course, Shay and I stayed together.

"So, what would my lady like to do today?" Shay asked. _My lady. She called me her lady. Oh how I adore this woman._

"I don't mind doing anything as long as I'm with you."

"Mmm, cheesy." We laughed. You know that's what so amazing about being in love with your best friend, it's not dramatic, it's easy and a go-with-the-flow sort of thing. We laugh at just about anything.

Shay and I just hung around the city, did a little shopping, and ate something every now and then. It was our last day in this city, the city that changed everything, my _favorite_ city.

We reunited with everyone for dinner, and that's when I saw Tyler giving me weird looks, so I realized he noticed something and decided I had some explaining to do.

"Babe i'm gonna go get a drink." I whispered to Shay, also signifying Tyler to go with me.

"Yeah I need a drink too, i'll go with." He joined in

"So Ash Benzo, if I'm not mistaken, you have some explaining to do." He said when we were away from our table

"It's nothing important, just a few things that changed."

"I'm all ears." He crossed his arms

"I told her."

"YOU TOLD HER?" He raised his voice

"Sshh! Keep it down will you."

"Sorry, when did you tell her and what was her reaction?"

"She um, she-"

"She what?!"

"She said she feels the same way." I smiled at the memory of that

"Oh my god Ash! I'm so happy for you!" He leaned in and gave me a hug

"Thanks Ty, i couldn't have done it without you."

"Hey, that's what friends are for. So are you two like, together now?"

"I don't know, we didn't really talk about it. Just keeping things low-key for now."

"Okay well, as long as you're happy."

After my conversation with Tyler ended we went back to our table, and that's when I realized there was something off with Shay. She wasn't talking as much, barely answered me when I talked to her, it's like she was mad or something. I shrugged it off and figured i'd just ask her about it when we were done with dinner, and that's what I did.

"So wanna watch a movie?" I asked her when we were in the hallway of our rooms

"Uh no, I'm tired so I think i'll call it a night."

"Shay, what's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're obviously pissed at something. Will you please tell me what it is?"

"I'm not pissed at anything."

"Okay, come on." I grabbed her arm and we entered my room, then sat on my bed and waited for her to speak.

"Spill." I said

She looked at me with disbelief and began to walk away, so I got up, grabbed her my the wrist and turned her around to face me.

"Where do you think you're going?" I said, obviously enjoying this

"Ashley let me go."

"No."

"Ashley, I said let me go."

"Not before you tell me what's going on."

"Oh I don't know, why don't you just ask Tyler?"

Tyler? Tyler! Oh my god she was jealous of Tyler… I did my best to try and control myself from laughing, but I failed epically.

"Oh god Shay, don't tell me you're, oh my god." I couldn't even finish my sentence without laughing hysterically

"What's so fucking funny?!" She was clearly mad as hell now

"Babe, are you jealous of Tyler?"

"Jealous? Me? Why would I be jealous?" She tried to deny it

"Don't deny it baby." I said, pulling her even closer towards me

"I said I'm not jealous."

"Okay, since you're not jealous I guess I don't have to tell you what we were talking about then." Two can play this game, Shay.

"It's not like I care anyways."

"Okay, cool."

"Alright fine tell me."

"Not before you admit you're jealous."

"I'm not jealous!"

"Mmm."

"Okay. Okay fine. I'm jealous, happy? Now spill!"

"Very. Tyler knew about my feelings for you for a while, he was the one who was actually encouraging me to tell you, without him I wouldn't have done it. He was basically just asking about what went on, that's it."

"So Tyler helped you tell me the truth?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"Now that we got that out of the way, can I just say that my baby looks incredible sexy when she's jealous?" I said, placing a kiss on her neck

"This is gonna be a long night." And indeed, it was.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 _It was our world. It felt like it was. Just me and Shay, no one else to bother us. And boy did I love it, boy was I waiting for this moment my entire life. I could see her, dancing next to that bonfire. Flowers in her hair, the moon reflecting her beautiful eyes. Red lips, a half smoke cigarette between her fingers. She would look my way every now and then, I even caught her smiling that one time. She was just like a dream._

"Ashley! Yo Ashley open the door!" I was awoken from my dream by a voice yelling and banging on the door, which I soon realized was Troian's.

"Ashley open the goddamn door! We're gonna be late!" I hear her say again

Late? Late for what? Oh shit, the airport! And Shay! Shay is sleeping right next to me!

"Shay! Shay!" I whispered nudging her

"What?!" She raised her voice, clearly annoyed

"Sshh! Keep it down! Troian's outside! Go, hide in the bathroom or something!"

"Oh shit." She said hurrying towards the bathroom

"I'm coming I'm coming!" I yelled

"Babe you might wanna put some clothes on first." Shay whispered before she closed the bathroom door, and honestly if she hadn't warned be I would have opened the door naked.

"Oh thank god! What does it take to wake you up girl?!" Troian sighed when I finally opened the door

"I'm sorry I was asleep okay!"

"Well hurry up we're going to miss our flight! And where's Shay?! She isn't answering her door either!"

If I wasn't mistaken I could her Shay's chuckles coming from the bathroom, and I actually tried my best to hold it together.

"How am I supposed to know? Now can you please get out so I can get dressed?" I complained

"Fine but you have 15 mins! We're all waiting in the lobby downstairs!"

"Okay okay." And with that she finally left.

"You can come out now." I said

"Well that was close."

"Yeah, sure was. Now go get ready before they come for us again!" I said, giving her a quick kiss before she left.

A few hours later, we arrived back in LA. I have to admit, it was sad leaving New York, we were having such a good time, well at least Shay and I were. But I know this time LA is going to be different, I mean things did change.

Shay and Sammy dropped me off at my house, and even though I was extremely tired, I could not sleep. It might sound stupid but I did get used to sleeping with Shay in my bed, and without her it just feels lonely.

 _-I miss you._ I sent her a text

 _-Aw baby, I miss you too. ;(_ She replied within seconds.

 _-I can't sleep, got used to having you hold me every night._

 _-You can always come over if you want too…_

 _-Shay, it's like 1 AM._

 _-And your point is..?_

 _-Nah babe I'll just see you tomorrow, gonna have to survive the night!_

 _-Ugh, fine. Guess I'll see you tomorrow then :(_

 _-Good night baby girl, don't go to bed upset._

 _-I won't. Good night love._

And surprisingly I did drift off into deep sleep after my conversation with Shay.

I didn't see Shay until dinner time the next day, we were both busy with either shoots or just running errands. We decided to go out for dinner at our favorite Italian Restaurant, and even though we didn't want anyone knowing about our relationship, or whatever it is we're having, that didn't stop us from holding hands. I mean, even as friends Buttahbenzo always holds hands, always.

We were halfway through dinner just enjoying our time when I received a text from my manager asking to meet up urgently the next morning, I didn't give it much thought though and just proceeded with our date.

"So, my place? Sammy's out for the night." Shay winked

"I'd love to babe but I need to meet up with my manager tomorrow morning. Maybe you could come over instead?"

"But what am I supposed to do when you're gone tomorrow?" Shay pouted

"It won't be too long babe, I promise. So what do you say? Spend the night?" I said seductively

"Oh what the heck." She said grabbing my face and kissing me hard.

 _Next Morning_

I got up to get ready, and Shay was obviously still sound asleep, so I left her a note signifying that I had already left.

"Hey Amy." I said greeting my manager

"Hey Ash, how was New York?" She said, giving me a hug

"It was pretty great."

"Well, I can tell."

"What do you mean?"

"Ash, there's been some photos taken. Thank god we found out about them just in time and prevented them from spreading around, but it's something we MUST discuss."

"What's going on?"

"Apparently, there was a picture taken of you and Shay, being a little intimate." Amy showed me the picture and it was me and Shay kissing at Central Park. _That was like a 1 second kiss for God's sake, who could've taken that?!_

"I, I umm-" I tried to explain but I was in too much shock to be honest.

"Ashley, you do realize that this is a really big deal, right?" She said

"Why? It doesn't have to be. We're just two people who like each other and might want to get together, what's so huge about that?" _I mean I had a point, right? Apparently not._

"Oh honey, it's not nearly as simple as you make it sound. This will affect both you and Shay for the long term, career wise especially."

"I just feel like Shay should've been here for this as well, don't you think?"

"I do, which is why I've arranged a meeting for you, Shay, David Dean and I today at 4." David Dean was Shay's manager.

"Okay, I guess I'll see you at 4 then." This isn't such a big deal, I personally think something like that won't stand in the way of Shay and I. Guess we're just going to have to wait and see what happens in this upcoming meeting.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

I got a call from Shay when I left the meeting I had with Amy.

"Hey babe." I said

"Hey Ash, did you find out about the meeting?" Her voice sounded worried and nervous

"Yeah I did, where are you?"

"I'm heading home, gotta take care of a few things before 4."

"Aw I was looking forward to coming home to you." I pouted even though she couldn't see me

"I'm sorry love. I'll see you at 4 okay?"

"Okay, bye Shay."

I wasn't really that nervous about the meeting, I knew it my heart that nothing was worth ending things with Shay. She was my #1 priority, and even though some might find it weird because we're not even officially together, she was my world. I couldn't deny that, not anymore. So when the clock stroke 4, I was at the meeting with Shay, Amy, and David.

"Okay girls, would you like to tell us what's going on?" David asked, and even though it was a simple question, it seemed kind of hard to answer because we never really talked about anything.

"Well, we haven't really talked about anything yet but when we were in New York, we found out about some mutual feelings and things just sort of went from there." I said

"You two can't exactly do that." He said

"What do you mean?" Shay asked

"Well, I hate to break it to you, but you're not like anyone else. You're not like the two girls you may find drinking coffee at a cafe or walking down the streets, you're Shay Mitchell and Ashley Benson. You can't be making decisions of doing things like kissing in public on your own, especially now that I know that the case explains you're not even together."

"So we might have made a mistake about being intimate in public, so what?" I said, starting to tense up.

"You can't make mistakes when it comes to topics like this Ashley! You have to be careful! Thank God we got that picture in time! You two don't even know the consequences of you being together." Amy joined in

"What do you mean by consequences?" Shay asked, still seemingly calmed which surprised me. Am I overreacting or is she over relaxed?

"Well for starters, this could affect you both career wise. Especially you Shay, since you already play a lesbian on a tv show, your chances of getting a role as a straight character will decrease by a long shot. And Ashley, it's going to ruin a lot of the publicity going on on 'Haleb', you could be causing a big problem to the show by dating people that aren't actually together on the show." David said

"I don't give a damn about the stupid show!" I snapped

"Well like it or not you're on that show, and you're committed to it."

"So that means I have to stop living because of it?"

"We didn't say that Ashley, but even other than career wise, will you two handle the stress and pressure the paparazzi is going to be causing you? The headlines, the rumors from now on. It all comes in a package, a package i'd like to call a grenade." Amy said

"Okay so you're basically saying that we can't be together?" I said

"We're not saying that, we just want you to make sure you make the correct decision by thinking about this, a lot." David added

"I'm personally done here for today, I can't hear any more of this." I grabbed my stuff and walked right out the door. I couldn't believe my ears! Am I seriously supposed to give up what I've been working so hard to get for years because of some stupid publicity or fame? No, never. Not me, not this girl.

 _Where was Shay though? And why did she barely talk in that meeting?_ However with the anger I was feeling deep down, I couldn't handle waiting for her, so I got in my car and drove off.

I tried calling Shay when I got home, but she never returned any of my calls or text. _Where is she?_ I shrugged it off hoping I would hear from Shay soon, and decided to nap for a while. I woke up a few hours later by the sound of my phone ringing, I wasn't entirely bothered when I took a look at the caller I.D though, it was Shay.

"Hey, where were you?" I asked

"I was uh, just busy. Are you home?" She asked

"I am."

"I'm coming over."

"Okay." And with that she hung up. I'd usually get excited when Shay says she's coming over, but there was something different about this time. Her voice sounded different, and I had this bad feeling in my stomach that I couldn't shake off.

15 mins later the doorbell rang, and it was obviously Shay.

"Hey babe." I leaned in to give her a kiss but she looked down instead.

"What's wrong?" I said

"Can we talk?" She said, her voice barely a whisper, and when she did look up I could tell how puffy and red her eyes were, like she was crying.

"Come in." I grabbed her arm and we sat on the couch.

"Hey, what's going on?" I said

She looked everywhere but at me.

"Shay, look at me." I said lifting her chin up, when I saw the tears forming in her eyes.

"Ashley I…" Her voice was breaking down

"Hey, hey why are you crying? What's going on baby?" I started tearing up just at the sight of her like this. I wiped her tears with one hand and held her hand with another.

"Ash, I'm so sorry." Sorry? What's she sorry for?

"What do you mean?" I asked, clearly confused

"Ashley…" I could tell she couldn't find the words to say

"Shay what happened?"

"I c-can't do this." She breathed out

"Do what? What are you talking about?" _Dear Lord please don't let it be what I'm thinking about._

"Ash I can't do this, us. I can't, I'm so sorry." To say I was in shock was an understatement. I directly let go off her hand.

"What are you talking about?"

"Ashley, this is too much to take in. It's too complicated, I can't do it."

"You may not be able to do this on your own, but we can do this together. We can, Shay." I held her hand again to assure her.

"No, we can't! You heard what they said, we'll be hurting everyone by the decision we make."

"So instead we're supposed to hurt ourselves?!" I yelled

"Ashley please understand-"

"Understand what?! Huh? Tell me! Am I supposed to understand that all the time we spent in New York was nothing but a lie? Or am I supposed to understand how you said you loved me but now you're leaving? Or am I supposed to understand that after all the goddamn years I fucking waited for you and gone through so much pain and bullshit you finally give me hope only to drop me like that?!"

"Ash it's not like that!" She was sobbing and so was I.

"What's not like that Shay? D-don't do this. Please don't do this, don't leave me. Please Shay." I was willing to get down on one knee and beg if I had to.

"Ashley, I'm s-sorry. I don't have a choice!"

"There's always a fucking choice! You're CHOOSING to leave me! Why? Am I not good enough for you Miss Shay Mitchell? Why did you lie then? Why did you fucking say you loved me?!"

"BECAUSE I DO!"

"Then stay!"

"It's not that easy."

"I hate you. I hate you so much. I fucking hate you!" I realized I was spitting poison out of my mouth but I didn't care, I didn't give one single damn.

She still approached me and kissed me though, and I still let her. We still made love that night, and even though I shouldn't have, I still expected her to be right there next to me when I woke up. But she wasn't, she had left. She was gone. I had lost her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

 _It was painful, all of it. I didn't know what exactly hurt, all I knew was that it did. It made me want to quit my job all together, to get out of the spotlight. I never wanted to see her again, I couldn't. Thinking about her gets me this close to fucking wanting to kill myself, just imagine what seeing her would do to me. I didn't get it, I didn't get any of it. But that's okay, thanks to my new best friend alcohol, I've been managing._

I had just gone to bed after another night of getting wasted & smoking. Yes, I do smoke now too. Believe it or not alcohol just doesn't do on its own anymore. It was around 4 am when I went to bed, and I was woken up by a banging on the front door. It probably just was a simple knock, but because of my hungover and massive headache it felt like drums in my ears.

"Who the hell comes by at 7 am in the morning?!" I sighed, incredibly tired.

"Wow you look terrible." It was Tyler, should have known.

"Well hello to you too." I said walking back inside.

"What the hell happened in here?" He was obviously talking about the empty bottles all around, the unwashed glasses and empty packs of cigarettes scattered all over the place.

"Other than my heart breaking, nothing much."

"What do you mean your heart breaking? Ashley please don't tell me it ended before it even started."

"Hate to break it to you, but that's exactly what happened."

"What?! How?" He was obviously shocked, I mean i still couldn't process it either.

"She ended it. Said she couldn't do it, it was too much and bla."

"There's no way Shay could've done that. There must be a reason. Did something happen?"

"Well our managers definitely freaked her the fuck out that's for sure on how something like this might affect our careers negatively."

"And she actually listened?"

"Well, I'm here with a hungover aren't I?"

"Ash, you can't do this, you can't go back to that."

"Well right now it's the only thing helping and don't take this the wrong way but I'm seriously tired and would like to go back to bed."

"Okay but you better call me when you wake up or i'll stop by again!"

"Okay, I will."

Tyler left and I went back to bed. Thank god we're on hiatus, I couldn't have dealt with this if I had work. Oh well, another night, another shot, another cigarette, and _numbness._

 **Shay's POV.**

 _How could I have done this to her? I saw her, I saw how vulnerable she looked and how broken. How could I have been the cause of that? I'm so fucking stupid, I don't deserve her, I don't deserve her love or appreciation, not even her trust. I never did. She's the most amazing person anyone could ever meet, and she actually gave me a chance to call her mine, but I blew it. I broke her heart, and broke mine as well. It's better this way, I try to convince myself. She's better off without me, being together would have caused a lot of trouble. I didn't wanna go there, I didn't want us to end up heartbroken, but oh the irony, we ended up hurt anyways._

I woke up with my mascara smudged all over my face, I had spent last night crying for hours again. I miss her, I miss her smell, her eyes, her lips. I miss everything about her.

I checked my phone and it was a few friends asking me to hang out, but I ignored. I wasn't in the mood to see anyone.

 _Every part of my body needed her, my heart begged me to go knocking on her door, asking her to forgive me, no, begging her to forgive me. Even if I had to cry, to yell, I had to get her back. But my mind told me not to, you can't do this to her Shay, you can't play her like that. You can't be with her when you want to and leave her when you want to, she deserves way better than that._

I got a text from Tyler asking to come over, and I directly linked that he had found out. And since he already knew, it wouldn't make me feel worse to talk to someone who won't judge, right?

"How could you do this?!" He said the second I opened the door, well that was a mistake.

"I don't know what to say."

"Well neither do I Shay! I'm the one who told her to go for it, to tell you about how she felt. I'm the one she came running to happy as ever when she finally got a chance to be with you, and I'm the one who found her this morning in her house that she basically turned into an alcohol and tobacco store, looking worse than ever! Why did you do this to her? You know how much she adores you!"

"Yes! Yes I fucking know that okay? I fucking know that! And guess what? Whether you believe it or not, I fucking love her more than I've ever loved anyone else in my life! But we can't let this happen!"

"Why not?!"

"It's just too hard."

"Wow, I never knew you were the coward type." I remained silent, he really got me on this one. So I broke down, i placed my hands over my face and started sobbing. I just couldn't control myself any longer.

"Shay, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that."

"N-no. You're right. I am a coward. But I also know that she deserves someone better than me, which is why I need to let her go."

"But she wants YOU! Does that even mean anything to you?"

"Of course it does! But i just can't do anything about it, okay? At least not anymore, not after I broke her heart."

"Okay, fine. But you are going to regret this." He opened the door and left, leaving me crying even more.

"I already do." I whispered to myself.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

 _A few months later_

 **Ashley's POV.**

I haven't seen her since that day, not once. The cast would get together sometimes and invite me, but I'd always decline in fear of facing her. I still cry over her sometimes, I still have sleepless nights every now and then, I still feel the pain and I still break down. But to say I haven't got a little bit better would be a lie, because I have. The wound started to heal by time, I stopped drinking and smoking every night, I stopped crying myself to sleep every night, but the hurt was still there. And I wasn't ready to see her yet, because I didn't want all of the handwork I put in moving on to go to waste by just one glance I'd take at her. Unfortunately, I had no choice. Filming season 6B of PLL starts in a few days, and I'd have to see her every day all over again.

 _How am I supposed to see her and pretend like nothing ever happened?_ Time will tell.

The night before the first day of shooting was a mess, I couldn't bring myself to sleep and my panic attacks were getting worse. So after a whole lot of trials to relax, I broke into my liquor cabinet and said hello to an old friend of mine, alcohol. _It's just for tonight,_ I convinced myself. So I drank and drank until I couldn't see straight and fell into deep sleep, still waking up to throw up a few times though.

It was the day. I'm going to see her again. I'm going to see her wavy brown hair that flows just the right way, her deep dark brown eyes that I once stared at and declared my love to, her full lips that I've grown used to kiss that I'm going to have to resist. Her, I'm going to see her, my _heartbreaker._

I got out of bed with a massive headache, the usual. Took a few pills of Aspirin, put on some sweats and a T shirt, a little make up to hide the signs that my eyes have been crying, and put my hair in a messy bun. Grabbed my bag, and off we go.

I arrived on set and saw that almost everyone's cars is already there, including Shay's. So I parked, took a deep breath and started walking towards the entrance. My legs stopped moving before I could go inside though, and I felt a melt down coming my way. _Stop Ashley, you can do this. You can't let her have that effect on you anymore, she's deprived you enough already. You're going to go inside, see your friends, do your thing, and it will be over before you know it._ Another breath, and I'm in. I can see the crew fixing things around, Marlene was talking to Ian, while Lucy, Troian ,Tyler  & Keegan were by the coffee table. The minute they saw me they started cheering, and that really made me smile, I had missed them.

"Well well well if it isn't the Ashley Benson. You know next time you should really think it over before you decide to go all M.I.A on us." Troian said as she gave me a hug

"Hey Ash." Keegan said, also hugging me

"Hey Keegs."

"Goose Lucy come here." I said hugging Lucy too

"Ty Ty."

"Benzo." He smiled at me, he was the only person I had been hanging out with, I don't know what I would've done without him.

"So how've you been? And more importantly, where've you been?!" Troian asked

"I've been good, yeah I've been alright. And just here and there, been working on a few projects, it's been busy."

"So busy that you couldn't give us a couple of nights to see your pretty face?" Ian said approaching us

"Hey Ian." I smiled, " You know it just never clicked, I'd always be busy on the nights you guys wanted to go out. But i'm here now, aren't I?" I said, hoping what I said would close down the topic.

"Hair and Make up everyone! We start in 20!" One of the crew members called

"Well, that's our cue." Lucy said

"Hey Ash, walk with me." Troian said grabbing me by the arm

"What's up Troi?"

"I'm gonna be straight forward because you know that's how I am. What's going on with you and Shay?" _What? Did Shay say anything to anyone?_

"What do you mean? Did Shay say anything?" I asked

"She didn't but come on Ash it's clear as day, even the fans are starting to notice."

I sighed in defeat knowing Troian is too smart to believe whatever lie I'd come up with.

"It's a long story, a really long one."

"So you guys aren't speaking?"

"Not exactly."

"She asked about you, you know. Every time we'd go out she'd ask about you, even this morning."

"It's a fucking mess, Troi."

"You're gonna have to tell me sometime, you know."

"Yeah, yeah I will. But for now I'd just like to forget about it, considering I might see her any minute now."

"Try second. Over there." She whispered, signifying where Shay was.

 _Wow. How is it possible that she got even more beautiful?_ _ **Snap out of it!**_ I told myself, and directly turned around before she could catch me staring. But before I could start walking away, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I froze in my place, not wanting to turn around. _I'm not ready._ But I did it though, I turned around and there she was. Shay Mitchell, once again, taking my breath away without any effort.

"Hey Ash." She whispered, looks of concern, guilt, and fear in her eyes.

"H-Hi." I stuttered

"How've you been?" How've I been? Really Shay? Really?

"Grand, how about you?" I said, my tone hinting sarcasm.

"Okay, I've been okay." I nodded, tears starting to form in my eyes and I knew it was time to walk away, I wasn't gonna let her see me cry again, never again.

"Well I have to go. Hair and makeup, so."

"Yeah I'll just, I'll catch you later?" I nodded and headed off to my trailer, my heart breaking once again.


	10. Chapter 10

**So this is a short chapter and I'm sorry! But I kind of wanted a chapter that's fixed on their conversation, and there you have it. Enjoy :D**

 **Chapter 10**

I hated myself. I hated myself that I allowed her to do this to me once again, to make me cry. And I hated her, for making me fall in love with her so hard. _What's the deal with you Shay Mitchell? Why do you keep on doing this to me?_ But I fixed myself up, dried my tears, and headed back to work. It's going to be a long day.

 **Shay's POV.**

Seeing Ashley was harder than I imagined it would be. She wasn't okay, at all, and I could see that. I was the _reason_ behind it. If only I can make things right again, but I can't. I seriously had the nerve to ask her how she's been doing, God I'm so stupid! How are we supposed to be civil around each other when we can't even have a hello-how are you conversation? I didn't like the situation, and I may have blew it with being Ashley Benson's lover, but I wanted my best friend back, and I'm willing to do anything for that.

During shooting, I could tell the girls felt a tension between us because we're usually always laughing and joking around together. I would catch her staring at me every now and then, and she would do the same. Why do things have to be so damn complicated?

I wanted to talk to her, I needed to talk to her. But will she even listen? Well, never know until you try right? So after shooting, I followed her to her trailer to talk to her.

"Ash, wait up please." I said, calling her from behind

She simply turned around, not even bothering to reply.

"C-can we talk?" My voice barely coming out as a whisper

"What's there to talk about?" She started walking away again

"Ashley please don't do this?"

"Don't do what?"

"Walk away from me. Please, give me a chance to explain."

"Explain? Explain what? You had months to explain. I waited for months, for a visit, a phone call, for a simple fucking text! But nothing. And now you suddenly want to explain? No thanks."

I couldn't argue with that, she was 100% right.

"I know. I know Ashley, I messed up, big time. And I'm not asking you to forgive me, I'm just asking you to listen."

"Okay, go ahead, enlighten me." She stopped her tracks and crossed her arms

"I made a mistake. What I did to you was unfair and not only did I lose you as my lover but I lost you as my best friend. And I can't handle that Ash, I can't lose my best friend. I know I don't deserve to be in your life anymore, I don't even have the right words to explain what I did. But what I want for us Ashley is to start over."

"You want us to pretend like nothing ever happened?"

"I'm not saying that because that's not even possible. But I wanna start a new page with you Ash, as your best friend. I'm sorry for all the hurt and pain I caused you, I'm sorry for every single tear you shed because of me, but you have to know that I was shedding them too, even though it may not seem like it. I'm sorry Ash, I just want to be your friend again." Tears were easily pouring down my cheeks, and even though she may not want to show it I could tell she wanted to cry as well.

"I d-don't know. I don't know Shay, being around you already hurts."

"And I want to change that, I promise."

"O-okay. Friends." She gave me a weak smile

"You mean it?"

"Yeah I do. Besides, Benzo kind of missed her Buttah." Damn that girl can easily make me smile. So I leaned in and gave her the tightest hug ever.

"I missed you too. So much."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

 **Ashley's POV.**

Things between Shay and I have gotten better. Some might be surprised because I forgave her so quick even though she caused me pain for so long, but she's Shay. She was my best friend before anything else and I'd really like to have that back. There's boundaries this time, though. I am NOT allowing myself to think we could be something more than friends, because we all know where that lead us the last time. Right now, I just wanna be around the people I love, doing my job, with absolutely no drama. However, I did notice a lot of tension between Tyler and Shay.

"You've gotta be careful, you know." Tyler said taking a seat beside me while I ran over my lines

"Ty, we're just friends. I learned my lesson, you know."

"I know Ash. But it's not like it's something you can control."

"You're right, maybe I can't control feeling something for her. But I can control not acting on it, not anymore at least."

"You sure about that?"

"I'm not a kid, Tyler."

"I know but I mean, take a look at her over there." He said pointing towards where Shay was standing

"Okay and?"

"See that spark in your eyes? Kind of hard to ignore."

"I'm going to be okay, Ty. Don't worry about me."

"Okay, come here Benzo." He said taking me into his embrace, Tyler's hugs are always so comforting.

 **Shay's POV.**

I saw her hugging Tyler and I felt a knife right through my heart. He might not know it but he's the luckiest guy out there in this moment. I wonder if something is going on between them? I mean, the way Tyler defended Ash when he came over to my house couldn't have just been a friend defending another friend. Does she feel something for him too? Upon that thought I felt like throwing up. Imagining Ashley with someone else made me sick. And even though she'd probably never take me back, I'm not ready to see her with someone else yet. I decided Ash and I should spend some alone time together, it's been forever. So I asked her, hoping it wouldn't be too awkward.

"Ash, hey." I said, sneaking up from behind her

"Hey Shay." She said, giving me one of those sweet smiles that showed her dimples and made my heart melt.

"Do you have any plans after shooting is done?"

"No not really. You?"

"No I actually, I wanted to ask you if you maybe wanted to hang out? I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to I just thought we could-" I was cut off by her chuckles and realized I was blabbering.

"Shay, calm down. Yes I'd like to hang out with you." My heart warmed up at her reaction, God how could she be so perfect?

"Really? Okay! Okay great, i'll meet you at the door when we're done!" Perhaps my excitement was a little too obvious because I could tell she was trying to control herself from bursting into laughter.

"Okay love." _Love._ Damn how long it's been since I've heard her call me something like that. I needed to hear that more than I needed oxygen.

 _2 Months Later_

Ash and I have been great. We've gotten really really close again, and as comfortable with each other as we were before. There was always continuous flirting and those cheesy lovey-dovey instagram posts that made the fans go nuts. I have to admit, they did give me chills as well. There as this picture of us being extremely close that Ashley posted the day Gay marriage was legalized in the states, with the caption #LoveWins. Damn that picture could fool millions, for a second it even made me believe that we were together. But the fact is we weren't, I had been losing hope on Ashley for months now and I think it's destined that we only stay friends. Besides, her and Tyler seem closer than ever and half of the fandom thinks that they're together. They're always hanging out, touching, and just being together. It pissed me the hell off, but there was nothing I could do about it.

 **Ashley's POV.**

I'm not gonna lie, it's been a hell of a two months. SO many things happened. My friendship with Shay was all good again, I was doing the Pixels movie, my friendship with Tyler has gotten a lot stronger and I was even hanging out with Ryan from time to time. Being with the guys was drama free, it was fun. It's sort of annoying when everyone basically claims you're dating every single guy you hang out with, but what are you gonna do? Ty and Ryan both helped me through this Shay thing, and I have gotten much much better. To say that I was completely over her was a lie, but at least now I can hang out with her without catching myself staring at her for too long. It was all chill and I liked it, I guess I never could have dealt with the drama anyways, which is why it may have been better than Shay and I ended before we even started. I think being friends is just fine.

—

 **So, there you have it folks! Looks like they're both convinced they're better off as friends, for now ;) Don't worry, they still have a long way ahead of them and don't mean to spoil but they will realize they're meant to be after all. Hope you enjoyed it! Please review :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

 **Ashley's POV.**

The thing about me is that whenever I sense that I'm going to get hurt somehow, I run away. I'm not sure if it's a new or old habit, but I knew I needed to constantly guard myself. With Shay, however, I always end up hurt anyways. I thought things between us were platonic again, and that we could normally continue our lives as friends. But that can never happen, not as long as I still look into those eyes and feel my heart melting.

 _A few weeks back_

 _We were closer than ever, the fans were suspecting that something was going on between us and to be honest so was I. Call me stupid, but I had hope in us again. Maybe this time it could be different, we could have a true chance._

We were called in early on set on a Monday so I figured I'd grab two coffees and head to Shay's dressing room, but before I got to her door I heard her laughing. I looked over and saw a tall blonde muscular man leaning over her door, Shay had flowers in her hands and they were both laughing. _Okay, calm down Ashley. It's probably nothing._ But before I could continue convincing myself that I still stood a chance with Shay, the tall guy leaned in and kissed her. _He kissed her. He kissed_ _ **My**_ _girl. What are you talking about Ashley? She's not your girl, she never was. You got dumped way before you could call her yours, remember?_ The splash of hot coffee on the floor snapped me out of my thoughts as I realized I had dropped the cups.

"Ash?" Shay said, she obviously didn't notice that I had been standing there for a while because she was too busy making out with that girlfriend stealer.

"I, I-um, I d-didn't know you had, um, guests. I'm sorry I have to go." I turned around and rushed outside, running, wanting to get the hell out of this place. I didn't know where I needed to go, all I knew was that I needed to get as far away from Shay as possible. I heard her calling for me as I hurried out, but I didn't even bother to answer. I knew if i even opened my mouth to talk the only thing that would come out is sobs. Tears were streaming down my face, my legs were getting weak and my vision blurry. I got into my car and drove away. I couldn't be around her. She's with someone else.

I needed to go somewhere to calm my nerves, and just pretend for a single second that everything was going to be okay. I headed to the beach, it's sort of my magical place to forget about the world. I sat on the sand for hours, not even bothering to text anyone saying that I wasn't going to work. Everyone just needed to lay off for now, I couldn't deal with any of it. However, while I was resting there, I heard someone call my name.

"Ashley?" I turned around and it was Ryan. _Thank God it's not someone else._

"R-Ry?" The second I said that tears were forming in my eyes again and I began to sob.

"Ash? Ash what's going on?" He hurried his way towards me and sat down next to me, taking me into his arms. He knew I wasn't going to answer him right away, so he just held me and told me that _everything was going to be okay._

After a while of just sitting there, he tried asking me again.

"Ash, do you want to tell me what's going on?"

"It's, it's her."

"Shay?"

"Y-yeah. She's with someone." I whispered, my tears never failing to stop. "She's with someone Ry. I s-saw her."

"I'm sorry Ash. Did you talk to her?"

"No. What am I supposed to say? Why wasn't I good enough for you? What can he do that makes you happy that I can't? I have nothing to say to her. I just have to accept the fact that whatever we had is over, and it clearly never meant a thing to her."

"Don't say that Ash."

"Like it isn't true! It's true and you know it! I'm just sick of having to deal with it and be around her every day. I wish I could just quit this stupid job!" My frustration clearly getting the best of me.

"I know it's hard, it's not easy to face the person causing you so much pain every single day. But you're not going to quit because she can't see what's right in front of her, that she doesn't value it enough. Come on Ash, you're better than this. Don't let her get to you."

"N-not anymore. I'm done, for real this time." _And I meant it._

I went back home a few hours later and turned on my phone.

 _9 missed calls from Marlene_

 _11 missed calls from Tyler_

 _6 missed calls from Troian_

 _8 missed calls from Lucy_

 _36 missed calls from Shay._

 _Other than that, my phone was spammed with texts that were mainly "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!"_

Shay's texts however were different, because she clearly knew the reason I wasn't there today.

" _Ash can we please talk?"_

" _Call me when you can I'm worried sick."_

" _Ashley please hear me out. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."_ And so on.

Did I reply to anyone though? Definitely not. Only sent Mar a text apologizing for what happened and asking for a day off tomorrow, _it's an emergency_ I stated.

I know I was going to have to face Shay eventually, but not tomorrow. I couldn't. Shay Mitchell, you are killing me.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

 _Still a few weeks back_

I don't get how this could've happened. Everything was so perfect, I felt like I had Shay again. We went to the New York Comic Con and I seriously thought it was all going to be alright again, that the city that started it all was going to fix it all. _What did I miss? Why didn't she tell me?_ Frustrated, I tried to drown myself in sleep and forget about it all.

The next day I stayed home, I wasn't in the mood to see or talk to anyone. Tyler called in a few times to check in on me and he was the only person I answered, I didn't wanna worry him. He's been dying to know what's going on and insisted on stopping by my house but I convinced him otherwise and promised I'd fill him in when I go back to work. As the night was setting in, the doorbell rang. My heartbeat started racing, fearing that who I'm thinking of might be at the door. And of course, my fears were confirmed. It was _Shay._

"W-what are you doing here?" I asked, my face blank.

"I came to check in on you. Why didn't you come to work today?"

"Didn't feel like it." I shrugged, _as if you care._

"Ashley, what you saw-"

"I don't care."

"W-what?" She was obviously not expecting this answer

"I said I don't care! Did you get that or do you want me to write it down for you?"

"Why are you acting like this?"

"Give me a break Shay, I don't have to explain myself to you anymore."

"Ashley! Can we have a normal conversation for once?"

" _Normal?_ Since when have we ever known normal Shay?"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh okay let's check, first we're best friends, then something happens and I'm head over heels in love with you, then you dump me, then we get our friendship back and just when I thought it could all be okay again, this happens. You know what? Why am I even having this conversation? I said I DON'T care."

"You clearly fucking care Ashley so stop saying that."

"You want me to tell you that I give a single damn about you after everything Shay?! Really?" I said sarcastically

"I don-"

"I don't give a fucking damn!" I snapped, my voice coming out louder than normal. I could see the hurt and fear in her eyes, tears were threatening to fall down her cheeks any second. But I couldn't, I couldn't be the only _broken_ one anymore.

"I'm sorry Ashley." She whispered and left. _Go after her. Turn her around and tell her that you're lying, that you care about her more than anything else in the entire world and that you're mad for her. But wait, she broke your heart. Why would you go after her when she never went after you? When she never even fought for you? When she's the one that probably doesn't give a single damn about you?_ My mind was having contradicting thoughts and I let out a loud sigh. I went back inside, and once again, I spent another night crying myself to sleep.

I woke up the next day tired as hell, wishing I could skip today as well but I know that I'd already missed too many days. _Just ignore her, avoid her at all costs._ That's the only way I could survive working beside Shay.

 **Shay's POV.**

To say I was in a bad mood would be an understatement. After my argument with Ashley last night, nothing makes sense anymore. She was 100% right, I couldn't deny that. I broke her heart and whether I realized it or not I did it once again. I wasn't looking to meet someone, it just sort of happened. He's an amazing guy, but my heart belonged to Ashley. Her heart didn't belong to me though, at least not anymore, not after I keep throwing it off a rooftop. _Why do you keep doing this to her, and to yourself?_ I had no answer. Things were never going to be the same between me and Ashley again.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Ashley and I continued to be civil around each other until we finally wrapped up season 6. I was sort of relieved that it was done because I couldn't handle any more of the tension between us. That night, however, the night we wrapped up the season and decided to go out for some drinks in a karaoke bar. It was me, Ashley, Keegan, Tyler, Troian, Lucy, Ian, Sasha, Janel, and Drew. Usually Ash and I would sit right next to each other for the entire night but of course this time it was different. Ash was seated next to Tyler at the end of the table and I was somewhere in the middle. The night started off with a few drinks and laughter where we challenged each other to sing, but as it started getting late, things began to change.

Ashley wasn't just tipsy anymore, she was getting real drunk. I could tell Tyler was trying to get a hold of her but she's just too stubborn, and kept on drinking.

"It's my t-turn to sing!" She blabbered out

"No it's not, sit down you can barely walk." Tyler said grabbing her arm trying to keep her in place

"Let go! I wanna sing." So she went on the mini stage, grabbed a mic, and picked a song. Ashley always had a good signing voice, I knew however that she wouldn't sing in public unless she was drunk. When she began to sing, it seemed like all of the alcohol in her system faded away and were replaced by emotion, and _pain._

 _I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted_

 _I thought about our last kiss how it felt, the way you tasted_

 _And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine_

 _Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?_

 _When he says those words that hurt you do you read the ones I wrote you?_

 _Sometimes I start to wonder was it just a lie?_

 _If what we had was real, how could you be fine? Cause I'm not fine at all._

My eyes were focused on her, I didn't blink once. She was looking at me every now and then, and I could see a few tears run down her cheeks. I had to control myself not to cry or else everyone else would definitely suspect something, but I knew she was talking about me.

 _I remember the day you told me you were leaving_

 _I remember the make up running down your face_

 _And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them_

 _Like every single wish we ever made_

 _I wish that I could wake up with Amnesia_

 _And forget about the stupid little things_

 _Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you_

 _And the memories I never can escape, cause I'm not fine at all._

I'm not fine either, Ashley, I'm really not.

 _It hurts to know you're happy yeah it hurts that you moved on._

But I didn't Ash, I swear I didn't.

 _It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long_

 _It's like we never happened was it just a lie?_

 _If what we had was real, how could you be fine? Cause I'm not fine at all._

When she was done, she could barely stand still. She was a complete mess. I saw Tyler run to the stage to get her, and I couldn't sit still anymore, so I went too.

"I'll take care of this Ty." I told him, and I could see he hesitated at first.

"I can do it, you don't have to."

"She needs to wash up, I'll take her."

"Okay, but if you need anything call me." I nodded and let Ashley hold on to me as I walked her to the ladies room, locked the door and helped her wash her face hoping she'd sober up a bit.

"It's fine I can do it." She said, walking away from me. She might be drunk, but she clearly recognizes me and her tears wouldn't stop, but mine didn't either.

"A-Ash." I said, not being able to hold back the sobs anymore.

"You don't get to do that." She whispered, not wanting to look at me.

"Do what?"

"This. Cry in front of me when you know it's my biggest weakness. You don't even have a reason to cry."

"How can you say that?"

"You _chose_ him."

"Ashley, I-"

"No. You chose him. Why? What made you do that? What can he offer you that I can't, huh Shay? I was willing to offer you everything, everything! Hell, you were my _everything!_ Does he make you laugh? Because I'd stay up nights to put a smile on your face. Does he hold you when you're upset? Because i'd be willing to sell my own soul to not see you in pain. Is it the attention he gives you? The love? I fucking worship you! I **love** you unconditionally and you know that! You know that there's no one out there that could possibly love you the way I do! I fucking hate to admit it Shay, but you still are. You still _are_ my everything. And I fucking hate it, I fucking hate that I love you." That's when I saw her, the real her, the person I haven't seen for a while. She broke her walls, and she told me everything.

"I love you. I love you more than anything else in the entire world." I breathed out, still crying.

"But? Come on, say it. You can never just love me Shay. There always has to be a barrier in the way." And as much as I wanted to prove her wrong, to tell her that this time Ashley Benson, it's going to be me that's gonna love you unconditionally and treat you right, I couldn't. I was too much of a coward.

I walked over to her, trying to feel being close to her once again, to _breathe_ once again.

"Don't. Please, just let me be." She was broken and I could see it. I could _feel_ it.

"I just need you to know, that it's killing me being apart from you."

"It's killing me to see you with him, but you aren't doing anything about either of them now are you?" And before I had the chance to answer, she left. She called Tyler and had her take her home, and I headed home as well. I knew everything was pretty obvious to everyone now, but I didn't care. I couldn't deal with it tonight, I could barely deal with my broken heart.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

 **Ashley's POV**

" _People tell you that loving someone hurts and you'll get over it once you realize you're better off without them. But i've realized that and it still hurts. It hurts because I wanted her to be the one. I wanted her to be the one person I could always depend on. I wanted her to be the face I would wake up to. I wanted to be the person she could never get enough of, but I fucking wasn't. Because I wasn't enough. I wasn't enough and that breaks me. It continues to fucking break me, & even though I know I'm better off without her, it still fucking hurts."_

The sun seemed like rain, colors seemed like black & white. Seconds felt like hours, minutes felt like days, and days felt like years. _That,_ my friends, is what my life felt like without her. I'm not sure what hurts more, the fact that she's with someone else, or the fact that she _loves me_ but still doesn't want to be with me. But I was fine. I had to be fine. _She_ was fine. I only saw her once ever since that night, for work purposes. We had to do some advertisement for American Eagle, and of course we needed to act like nothing was going on, that everything was just perfect. I didn't ignore her, nor did I act bitter. I simply treated her like a friend, and nothing more. I mean, how can we both move on if we still act all jumpy around each other anyways? _Friends. Friends will do._

A couple of weeks passed and it was my birthday. I wasn't sure what Shay was trying to do, if she's trying to make sure there was no more hard feelings between us or she was doing it for the sake of the fans, but her profiles everywhere basically turned into a birthday parade for yours truly. Her text, however, her text was different.

" _To the one person that is responsible for both my happiness, and heartache. This past year hasn't been easy on both of us, and I understand I have been unfair to you in many ways. But you've always been my rock, Ash. I never wanna lose that, never wanna lose you. You deserve the best in everything you do. I hope you know how much you truly mean to me. Have an amazing day, gorgeous. Happy Birthday! - Hopefully still the Buttah to your Benzo."_

How can you answer a text like that? I couldn't be brutal, I couldn't tell her she was the best I ever had either. _Yes you were unfair. But goddammit, I love you._

So I texted back, and it went a little something like this:

" _I love you more than mentos. Thanks, Shay. Always the Buttah to my Benzo, no matter what. - Ash"_ Short and simple, but it's true. The 'I love you more than mentos' phrase is an inside joke between Shay and I, and I figured we needed some of that back, a glimpse of the old us.

I had a birthday dinner celebration the same night, all of my friends were there, including definitely Shay. We were back seated next to each other, but there was still obvious tension. I wasn't really as open about our friendship on social media as I once was, partly because I was still healing and didn't wanna make anything more awkward, and also because the fans are damn smart and can pretty much catch up on everything. I just didn't want them assuming that there's something going on because I still couldn't handle the fact that there isn't.

The birthday party was being wrapped up because a group of friends and I were traveling to Vegas that same night to continue celebrating. Almost everyone left, and as I was heading over to my car I heard Shay calling me.

"Ash wait up!"

"Hey Shay." I smiled

"Did you have fun?"

"I did, it was fun and cozy. Did you?"

"Yeah, yeah I did. I umm, I kind of got you something but I-I didn't know when to give it to you."

"Shay you didn't have to!"

"I wanted to, really." She opened her purse and took a medium sized black box out of it, and it was a little heavy.

"Just do me a favor, and don't open it before you get home, please." I gave her a weird look, clearly confused at the request, but I still nodded.

"Yeah, okay." There was a moment of silence where we both just stared at each other until we started chuckling.

"I'll see you later. Have fun in Vegas." She said

"Thank you, Shay." I leaned over and gave her a hug, her arms tightened around me as she hugged back. Her warmth was my favorite, no place ever felt safer. But of course, that moment had to be cut short a few seconds later.

I headed home and even though we were in a hurry and the first thing I should have done was pack, the first thing I did do was check the box Shay gave me.

It was a snowball. But not just any snowball, it had tiny sculptures of us in the middle, representing the time we Ice-skated in Central park, _ButtahBenzo_ was carved beneath it. But as I looked further into the box, I found a small note.

 _We'll always have New York._ I smiled at the thought of that, New York. I took out my phone and texted Shay.

 _Always._

After a brief moment of being emotional, I took out my bags and started packing. This weekend was about having fun, and only fun. I want to forget about everything else, and just live. So I called Haley and let her know I was ready for her to pick me up. _Ashley Benson, you've weeped enough. It's time for you to be happy again._


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

 **Shay's POV.**

I knew it was a big risk placing that note in Ashley's gift, but we needed some sort of closure. I was pretty nervous when I handed it over to her, and I didn't know whether to expect a reaction or for her to simply ignore the fact that she found the note. But she didn't ignore, in fact her reply was sweeter than I expected, and I didn't know whether Ashley was finally moving on or whether she gave up and she's too tired to fight for me anymore. Part of that thought saddened me, her getting over me. But I can't cause her pain anymore, I wanted her to be happy. She's the best person I ever met and if anyone deserves happiness out there, it's her.

' _Always.'_

I smiled and went to bed, part of me hoping I was going with Ashley on her trip but I knew she needed this to get away. I was fine with that, even if it meant getting away from _me._

 _Next Day_

I woke up around 10 AM and laid in bed for a bit before I had to go to boxing practice. I wanted to see how Ashley's trip is going though, and I knew the best way to check that is through Snapchat. Ashley's addicted to snapchat, whenever we used to get together we'd spam the world with ButtahBenzo snaps, the fans would go crazy. The thought of that made me smile, so I carried on and checked her snaps.

It all seemed like fun and I was glad Ash was having a good time, that was until I saw a certain video. A certain video where Ashley _kissed_ Haley. She was obviously drunk, but as I repeated that video over and over again I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. _Those lips are mine, not anyone else's._ But wait, were they? No, they weren't. They could've been, but I missed out my chance on that, and now Ashley's off drunk kissing other people.I got off Snapchat and went over to Instagram, when I saw another thing that grabbed my attention. Ryan was there too, he went with them. Ashley couldn't possibly be back with him, can she? Anger easily took over my body even though I was being unreasonable, so I headed over to boxing practice and let out my fury on the ring.

"Woah Shay! Calm down, are you okay?" Sammy said, as I continued practicing until I ran out of breath.

"I'm fine." I said, not even making eye contact.

"You don't seem so sure about that."

"I said I'm fine, okay? In fact, I'm perfect. In fact, I have an idea."

"Okay?" I could tell Sammy was pretty confused, but I did have an idea. Something that would get my mind off of things.

"I know exactly where we should go for vacation on New Year's. And I know exactly _who_ we should go with." I smirked

 **Ashley's POV.**

I woke up with a massive headache. I obviously drank my ass off last night, but that didn't stop me from remembering how much of a fun night it was. I was with great company, a group of my best friends. Ryan was with us too, he had never stopped being my friend and plus he's a really fun person to be around, so it was good. I knew there was a missing person though, I knew the trip would have been even more fun if _my buttah_ was here, but to be honest this trip is to forget all about her. And her not being here didn't stop this trip from being a complete blast, so I was greatly satisfied.

I ordered some room service and went over to twitter, my mentions were blowing up. At first I thought it was all birthday wishes, but boy was I wrong. There were screenshots of me and Haley kissing, _but when the hell did that happen?_

Some of last night's events did seem like a blur to me, but I didn't think I'd forget something like this. Hell, no matter how drunk I got, I never thought I'd post something like this! I went over to Snapchat and checked the video I had posted, and there it was. Clear as day. I immediately deleted the snap even though I know it had already caused a lot of fuss, but hey these things happen. I shrugged it off and continued to think about how to spend the rest of my vacation.

"Come in!" I said as I heard a knock on my door.

"Morning princess, hungover aren't we?" Ryan came in saying

"As hell. My head is about to explode."

"It happens."

"Checking my snapchats didn't quite help either."

"Ah, so you saw the kiss huh?" He chuckled

"Yeah, everyone's tweeting me about it." I said, annoyed at myself for being so reckless

"Nah don't worry about it, everyone could tell you were drunk anyways."

There was a moment of silence, but then a thought popped into my head. A question, actually.

"D-do you think she saw it?" I asked

"Haley?"

"N-no."

It took him a while but he finally caught on.

"Oh! _Her."_

"Yeah."

"She might have. What if she did anyways?"

"I don't know, do you think it could have bothered her?"

"I think the only person that seems bothered right now is you. And this is your birthday weekend, so I want you to forget about that video, forget about her, and forget about everything that could be bothering you. Let it go Ash, enjoy your trip! And anyways, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, doesn't it?"

"Not if you share it with millions of people around the world." We laughed

"It happens. Now come on, get up! We're all going out for lunch."

"Coming captain."

Should I text her though, find out how she's doing? _You heard what he said Ashley, it's time to forget about her._ Even though my brain and heart said two different things, I listened to my brain and went on to enjoy the rest of the day with my friends.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

 **Ashley's POV.**

It's been a few days since I've been back from my trip to Vegas, which was a complete success by the way. Okay, maybe other than drunk kissing my best friend and posting it for the world to see, but it was a trip to remember. Christmas was just around the corner, and I figured why not spend it with Shay? I mean, it's been a while since we hung out and it would be fun.

' _Hey, coffee this afternoon? Miss you xx'_ I sent her a text

' _Sounds great, see you then.'_ Okay looks like she doesn't miss me back but oh well, everything always has to be complicated with this girl.

When it was time I got up and got dressed, keeping it casual with some jeans, a t-shirt and my black leather jacket. I drove over to where we were supposed to meet and waited for Shay.

A couple of minutes later she showed up, of course looking as gorgeous as ever, and of course I had to get myself together.

"Hey boo." I said, giving her a hug

"Hey Ash." She said hugging back, "How was Vegas?"

"Vegas was good, a lot of fun."

"Yeah, I saw. You and Haley seemed to be enjoying yourselves." She said with a hint of jealousy in her voice, but no Shay, you don't get to be jealous.

"Uh, it w-was a drunk moment." She simply nodded

"So what have you been up to?"

"Planning a trip to Jamaica for New Year's actually!" She said, getting excited. She's so cute when she gets all hype like that.

"Jamaica? Nice! With the fam?"

"No with a, f-few friends." She stuttered and I could tell there was something odd about the situation.

"Few friends as in..?" I knew all of Shay's friends, or so I thought.

"You know, Sammy, David, Patrick, Chad, M-Matthew…" Matthew? Who's Matthew?

"Matthew?"

"Y-yeah, the umm, the guy I'm s-seeing." _Oh. Matthew, so that's his name. The guy I caught shoving his tongue down her throat. That Matthew._

"Right." I looked away, she's already going on vacation with this guy.

"Ash I know we haven't really talked about that-"

"There's nothing to talk about, we're over this, aren't we?" _We're far from over this._

"Y-yeah, I guess. So what are you doing for New Year's?"

"New Year's not so sure. But I'm spending christmas with Ryan and his family."I definitely wasn't going to ask her to spend Christmas together anymore, and Ryan had already requested that I spent it with him so why not?

"Ryan? As in Ryan Good?"

"Yeah what other Ryan do I know?"

"Are you two b-back-"

"No." I cut her off, "Not yet, at least." _What was I saying? I wasn't planning on getting back with Ryan._

"You want to get back together with him?"

"M-maybe. I don't know. I just miss him and we're hanging out as friends for now."

"Ash, don't make the same mistake twice."

"What mistake? Being with Ryan was never a mistake." _Oh but being with you definitely was._

"Okay, if you say so."

Shay and I said our goodbyes a while later and left. I spent my evening at home, and decided to check out this guy that was seeing. I knew lurking would only hurt me eventually but my curiosity was too much to handle.

 _So this is the guy. He's a model, apparently. A typical guy Shay would date, tall, blonde, killer body. I also noticed they've been secretly flirting through codes. Monkey emojis? Seriously? That's the best you could come up with? Must have been his lame idea._

After checking his page out some more, I got off of it and started scrolling when I saw something that caught my eye. It was sort of a saying.

" _Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons are, you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work and be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love than you have ever seen out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready."_

She told me she loved me, but that she couldn't be with me. And I let go, I let go because I needed to, not because I wanted to. And whatever love I find out there, whether it's with Ryan or with someone else, it wouldn't be like hers, but maybe that's the point. Maybe it shouldn't be like hers, it should be different.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

 **Shay's POV**

" _Do we really have to do this?" She let out a sigh, clearly frustrated_

" _Yes, Ash unless you want to be the only one at that event who can't Salsa!" I said dragging her into one of the empty practice rooms in the studio._

" _Since when do you know how to Salsa anyways?"_

" _I took lessons when I was in middle school. Now come on!" We took position and I started guiding her through it._

" _It's all about the hips, just follow my lead."_

" _Hey, I'm doing it!" She squealed in joy_

" _See, now spin." I spun her around a bit too fast and we both fell onto the ground, with her on top of me._

" _Ouch." She said and we both started laughing, before we realized how close we actually were and got lost in each other's eyes._

 _I slowly leaned in, not being able to resist the temptation of having her lips on mine anymore and locked them together. It only lasted a few seconds, but it was soft and sweet and so incredibly satisfying._

" _Finally." She said smiling widely._

I was awoken by the feeling of lips on my jawline, I smiled at the thought of who was showering me with kisses first thing in the morning, or who I _thought_ it was.

"Ash stop." I said smiling

"Ash? You still asleep babe?" I was surprised when I heard a masculine voice, and then it hit me.

That was just a dream, I wasn't teaching Ashley how to dance and she wasn't sleeping beside me. I was in Jamaica for the new year vacation and the person next to me was Matthew. I was heavily disappointed.

"Um, good morning." I said, trying to avoid the awkward moment of me actually calling him Ashley.

"You wanna get up? Or you wanna spend the rest of our day in here?" He said trying to seduce me, which was not working at all.

"Of course I wanna get up, I didn't come on vacation to lay in bed all day you know."

"Oh we could do more than just laying." He tried again, and failed miserably _again._

"Uh no Sammy's already waiting for me, so I have to get up." I said already making my way to the bathroom and trying to avoid him at all costs. _This is not how I wanna be spending my vacation,_ I thought realizing what a big mistake it was asking him to tag along.

I got dressed and went outside to have breakfast with my friends, it was a beautiful day. Later on, everyone went down to the beach to jet ski and swim but I decided to stay at our private pool.

"Hey you coming?" I heard Sammy call

"Uh, no I'm just gonna lay back here for a while."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I just don't feel like going down to the beach right now."

"Shay I know you. What's going on?"

I let out a sigh.

"I think I made a mistake regarding this vacation."

"Why? Jamaica's beautiful!"

"No it's not about the location, it's about who we brought along with us."

"I still don't know who you're talking about?" She was clearly confused

"I think going out with Matthew was a mistake. And I think bringing him along was a bigger one."

"Why what made you change your mind? I thought you really liked him."

"And it's not that I don't it's just that, ugh I don't know!" I yelled out frustrated, I didn't know what I was feeling anymore.

"Shay, I'm gonna ask you something and I need you to answer me honestly, okay?"

"Okay?"

"Is this about Ashley?"

"Yes, yes it's about Ashley. Everything seems to always lead back to Ashley! In fact, I even accidentally called Matthew Ashley today."

"You did what?" Sammy burst out laughing.

"It's not funny it was so awkward!" I said trying to hold my laughter as well.

"Shay why are you doing this to yourself?"

"Doing what?" I played dumb

"Shannon. You know you love her, why stay away?"

"Because it's better this way. Because I cause her a lot of pain Sammy, she doesn't deserve that."

"The only way you're causing her pain is by being apart from her, she made that very clear to you."

"She's moving on Sammy, I feel like she finally is and I can't throw away all of her hard work like that. Not when I still don't know if I can do it."

"Do what? Be happy? Be with the person you love most? Thinking about yourself for a change and not what other people expect to see from you? You're better than that Shay, and you deserve better than that too. It's a New Year! We're going back home tomorrow, do you really wanna start your New Year with disappointment and heartache?"

"But how do I know that being with Ashley won't end up in disappointment and heartache as well?"

"How do you know it will? You don't Shay, and you never will unless you actually take a chance."

"What am I supposed to do anyways? Send her a text saying ' _Hey Ash sorry for the pain I caused you wanna get together? Xoxo kisses'_?"

"Of course not. You need to show her that she can trust you. That you really wanna do it this time, and you're not gonna back out."

"How do I do that?"

"Show her how much you love her. I can't tell you how to do that, you need to know."

"I'm afraid I'll hurt her again."

"Which is why you need to think thoroughly about this before you make any move. But please Shay, be reasonable, and be courageous. You both deserve happiness."

I knew everything she said was 100% true. But can I really do this? Can I finally make my move and show her that she means the world to me?


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

 **Ashley's POV.**

I spent New Year's with a bunch of friend, it wasn't so bad. Food and drinks, good vibes, simple and fun. I'm heading off to New York tomorrow with Shay, and the rest of the girls are going to meet us there for some interviews we had to do before the premiere of Season 6B of PLL. She suggested we book tickets on the same flight, which I found weird but shrugged it off because I could tell Shay is trying to get our friendship to were it once was. I was trying too, honestly I was, but it's kind of hard to do that while seeing pictures of her on vacation knowing that _he's_ there with her and not me. I agreed anyways and we booked the trip for tomorrow, so I packed my bags and went over to Haley's for lunch.

"Hey Hales." I said greeting my best friend with a hug

"Hey Ash, come on in."

"What's up?"

"I was wondering what you wanted for lunch, Chinese or Pizza?"

"Chinese! I've been craving for so long, besides I'm gonna be in New York tomorrow and I'll have enough Pizza for centuries."

"Oh right you're heading off tomorrow! Who are you flying with?"

"Shay, actually."

"Wait, seriously?"

"Yeah, she called me and asked when I was leaving then made a reservation for the same flight."

"That's confusing."

"Not really, we're just trying to get back into place you know?"

"You're not sharing a hotel room too are you?"

"Of course not. That would be, too tempting." I giggled

"I don't get how you do it Ash."

"Do what?"

"This, all of it with Shay."

"I kind of have too, I mean we do work together and all."

"No, not that. The situation you're in with her, everything she's done to hurt you yet here you are, still madly into her."

"Shay's done a lot to fuck me up yes but-"

"Exactly!" She cut me off, "So why do you still love her? Why do you still have feelings for her? I don't understand it, she's destroying you. Your love for her is destroying you from the inside out. I've never seen you so down Ash, you haven't been yourself lately and you know it. You try your best to smile and socialize and pretend like nothing ever happened but I can see the pain behind your eyes. So how come that even though she's causing you so much pain, you're still in love with her?" She asked and I shrugged

" _I don't know." I admitted and smiled bitterly, " I really don't know. Maybe it's her sweet smile- this smile that takes my breath away every time I see it. Or maybe it's her eyes. Her beautiful dark brown eyes that I seem to get lost in every time. Or maybe it's her words. Maybe it's those sweet words she utters when she talks to me; those sweet words that make my heart skip a beat. Or maybe it's all of that. Maybe it's all of her that makes me stay in love with her. Her smile, her eyes, her words, her everything. Maybe it's all of it… or maybe I love destruction. Maybe I love the destruction she causes. Maybe I'm addicted to this destruction, to this pain. Maybe I'm forced to feel this way forever and maybe that's why I'm still in love with her." I said, and she looked at me her eyes filled with worry._

" _You need to get over her, you know that", she said and I laughed bitterly._

" _I know, it's not like I don't want to. I just can't, I can't get over this girl. I cannot get over her no matter what I do. Because every time I think I'm over her she comes back and makes me fall back in love with her just as hard as before. Or maybe even harder. And I don't want it anymore. But I can't help it. I cannot move on, no matter how hard I try. She's my addiction, my beautiful toxic addiction."_

"God Ash. Just please be careful. I don't want you to come back from New York even more broken than you already are."

"I don't think that's possible." My last comment left her silent, overcome by the concerned thoughts of a girl trying to save her best friend from heartbreak.

 _I'm already broken, Hales. It's okay, I can take what's more to come._

—

 **Alright people so next chapter is when you're going to begin getting pleased again, this heartache is nearly over. Also wanted to point out that the italic part in the conversation between Haley & Ash is from a quote I read online (writer is unknown) I just read it and felt like it's perfect for this part of the fanfic. Hope you're enjoying it so far! Please review & thanks for reading :)**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

 **Shay's POV.**

I woke up with a smile on my face, I knew what day it was. It was the day I get to go back to the place where it all began, where I found the girl I was destined for fall heads over heels in love with, and I get to go back _with_ her. I had only one mission for this trip, other than you know successfully promoting the upcoming part of the season of PLL, and it was to win Ashley back. So I began the flirting and sent her a text.

' _Coming for ya wifey.'_

A few minutes later my phone beeped and she replied.

' _Can't wait. xx'_

Her reply made me smile, but it wasn't until I checked snapchat on my way to the airport that I was full on happy mode. Ashley had posted a video with "waiting for the wife" written on it, and she was obviously referring to me. It feels like we're back to that innocent flirting phase when we were both secretly crushing on each other, no hurt caused. It felt good, and I was planning on making it feel even better real soon.

10 minutes later I got to the airport and found Ash waiting for me, directly starting to film snaps the second I arrived. Even though we both were actresses and spent most of our time filming, it didn't get annoying filming such videos as snaps to post. Plus, we knew most of our fanbase rooted for ButtahBenzo and enjoyed seeing such videos, so it was a win win situation.

"Well hello there Benson." I said smirking, pulling her into a tight hug.

"Sup Mitchell?" She hugged back and tried to act cool.

" _Sup?_ How smooth." I laughed

"I know I'm all about being smooth. But anyways, we need to get going because someone here is late as usual."

"It's called being fashionably late!" I said trying to defend myself

"Yeah who ya trying to impress?" She smirked

"I don't suppose there's anyone here besides you now is there?" _Two can play this game, Benzo._

"Come on." She shook her head and tried to hide her smile, then grabbed my hand and we headed off to our flight.

After we got our bags checked and got our coffees, it was time to get onto the plane. Both Ash and I were clean freaks, so whenever we were on planes we basically clean everything that surrounds us before we touch it. So after we did that, we just settled in and got comfortable.

I was lost in thoughts when Ashley's words caught my attention.

"Getting flashbacks already?" She asked

"How'd you know?" I smiled

"Don't mean to be cocky, but I know everything."

"Oh yeah? Since when?"

"Since forever. I've just never told you that."

"What are you a fortune teller or something?"

"Something of that sort yes."

"Did you know what was going to happen before I kissed you for the first time?" _That left her silent._

 _Dammit I shouldn't have brought it up,_ I thought to myself.

Right then and there a flight attendant cut our never-ending eye contact off by asking us what we wanted to drink.

"I'll have wine please." I kindly asked

"Yeah, m-me too." Her voice was sort of chocked, and I felt bad for making her uncomfortable.

We got our drinks and stayed silent for the next few minutes, so I decided I had to say something.

"Ash I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." I said apologetically

"You didn't, it's fine really, you just took me by surprise that's all. And if you're really wondering, no I had no idea." She giggled and I let out a sigh of relief

"Well I'm all about surprises."

I meant that, Ashley will definitely not be expecting what's going to take place on our trip. Especially after I made it very clear to her that I couldn't be with her, _yes still calling myself stupid for that every single second_ , but hey hopefully it's a surprise she'll like.

We talked for about another hour or so, and I could tell she was getting sleepy. Ashley wasn't a morning person, so she was clearly annoyed by waking up early to catch this flight. So it wasn't long until she fell asleep on my shoulder, and honestly I loved the position we were in. I took a glance at her and she looked so beautiful, so peaceful. I placed a quick gentle kiss on her forehead, and positioned comfortably so I could drift off into sleep too.

We woke up about 2 hours later, knowing that we would be arriving soon. However, it turns out there was a delay and we wouldn't be arriving for another couple of hours.

"God this is so frustrating!" Ashley said getting impatient

"Calm down babe." I could tell she was a bit surprised when I called her ' _babe'_ but didn't give much thought into it.

"I can't calm down! I'm hungry and I'm tired. I just wanna get off this stupid plane."

"Do your body rolls. They seemed to calm you down when we were taking off." I said, joking about a certain dance move that she does often and for no reason at all.

"Shut up don't make me laugh when I'm mad." She said trying to control her laughter

"Loosen up doll face. We'll be there soon." I leaned in and pressed a kiss on her cheek then sat back in my chair like nothing ever happened. I could feel her eyes on me, probably wondering why I did what I just did, but after a while she just shrugged and tried to distract herself with whatever was on her phone.

3 hours later, a flight attendant announced that we would now be landing.

"FINALLY!" Ashley basically screamed.

"Well someone's excited to be in the big apple."

"The big apple includes food, and a comfortable hotel bed so yes, I am pretty excited."

I smiled at the memory of Ash and I sharing a hotel bed one of the times we came here, one of the times when it all began. _Soon,_ I convinced myself. Hoping that what I try to do, whatever it was cause I had nothing precise planned in mind yet, would be good enough to win Ashley back.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

 **Ashley's POV.**

Our flight was extremely long and tiring. Usually, I'd take advantage of any extra second I get to have with Shay, but I was super tired and all I needed was to get to our hotel and take a nice hot bath. We were greeted by some fans at the airport, some of them even brought food and it was super sweet. But as much as I liked hanging around them, I directly stopped a cab and had it take us to our hotel.

I took a shower and just put on a robe over my underwear, too lazy to wear anything. I ordered room service and laid down on the couch, letting out a sigh at the pleasant feeling of comfort.

There was a knock on the door a few minutes later.

"Finally! I'm starving." I yelled out. But turns out it wasn't room service, it was Shay.

"Someone sounds excited." She said then took a second to check me out. After noticing that I had noticed, she tried to play it cool but it was too late.

"Yeah I'm hungry as hell. Come in." I stepped aside and let her in, thinking about changing into something a little less _tempting_ but deciding against it. _Let's see how bad I can tease her._

"I'm so glad to be back here. I love this city." She said as we sat down on the couch.

"Same. It is pretty special after all." I could see her blush and I made sure the robe didn't cover my legs any longer so she could catch a glimpse.

"Yep, you even have a snowball to prove it." She smiled. _God I'm a sucker for that stupid smile._

"Did you eat?" I asked

"Not yet, I was actually coming over to order something with you."

"I'll call them and have them add it to the order."

And that I did, then the food came around 20 minutes later and we enjoyed a nice chatty dinner.

"What time do we have to get up tomorrow?" I said with a yawn

"Probably around six."

"Six?! You can't be serious!"

"Ash it's a work trip what did you expect?"

"I don't know but I most certainly did not expect waking up before dawn."

"I'll pass by and wake you up if you want to."

"Please do, no alarm can wake me up that early."

"That's because alarms don't jump on people or tickle them." She smirked hinting at what she was going to do in the morning.

"On second thought an alarm sounds good, you don't have to come by."

"It's not up to you Benzo. Now come on get to bed, I can tell you're gonna fall asleep any second now."

"Oh so you're the psychic now?"

"I am." She leaned down and whispered in my ear. " And I see a tall tanned brunette in your future." She was referring to herself, and the feeling of her breath on my skin gave me shivers.

"Oh yeah? What do you see her doing?" I said trying to figure out how far she's willing to go.

"Let's not ruin the element of surprise now shall we? Good night Benzo." She said heading out the door

"Night Buttah."

 _Gosh the things this girl can do to me._

Finally, giving in to my exhaustion, I faded into deep sleep wondering what this city holds for us the next day.

 _Next Day_

The sound of my alarm woke me up, and as always I hit the snooze button and tried to go back to sleep. However, this time I knew that if I didn't get up right away, I'm gonna be awoken by Shay. So letting out a sigh, I got out of bed and put on a T-shirt and some sweats since I'm going to change into the dress I'm wearing for our SiriusXm radio interview at hair & makeup.

Couple of minutes later there were knocks on my door followed by Shay's voice.

"Benzo! Rise and shine gorgeous come on open up." She said through the door

"I'm already up Shannon." I said opening the door for her to come in

"Woah, Ashley Benson up on her own at a time like this?"

"Impressed?"

"Very. Now come on we gotta get going if we're gonna stop by Starbucks to get a gallon of coffee before we go to that interview."

"Okay just let me get my purse." I turned around and bent down to grab my purse and phone from the dresser, when Shay's certain compliment made me blush.

"Nice ass." I turned to look at her and she was smirking.

"If you think it's nice in these sweats, just wait to be blown away when I put on the dress I'm planning to wear." I smiled and walked past her

"Getting all confident now are we?"

"It's not like I'm lying."

"Alright alright I think the cockiness award of the day already goes to you and it's not past 8 am yet."

"Well I'm honored. Now come on, you know we're going to be killed if we're late."

"Coming captain."

Soon enough we arrived to the certain location we were needed on and met up with all the other girls. I changed into my outfit and so did everyone else then headed to get our glam on.

"Looks like you and Shay are back on the right foot." Troian said taking a seat beside me, winking.

"Yeah things are way better than they used to be. At least now we can joke around without one of us feeling uncomfortable." I smiled at the progress Shay and I had made.

"That's really good. And what about you? Still hooked on her?" She asked with a sweet concerned voice of a friend.

"I um, I'm trying hard Troi, to you know, move past this. It's just way harder than I thought it was going to be you know?"

"Yeah I know."

"I don't know if it's all in my head but I feel like she's been flirting A LOT this past few days. She's sending out all these mixed signals and it's confusing the fuck out of me!"

"Are you bothered by that?"

"Partly yes, like she has me hooked on her more and more with every compliment she gives me. But also partly no, because I hate to admit it but I love it when she talks to me the way she does. It makes me feel like the most special person in the world."

"Do you think she maybe changed her mind about wanting to get together?"

"I highly doubt it. She was just on vacation with that guy she's dating, Troi. I'd be delusional if I had any hope left."

Just then we were told we needed to begin recording, so our conversation was cut short. Shay and I stood next to each other the entire interview, she would intwine our fingers every now and then or wrap her arm around my waist. I'd put my arm over her shoulder sometimes, and we'd catch each other glancing at one another for a few seconds. We whispered, and giggled, and if anyone saw us they'd compare us to two madly in love teenagers.

 **I wish it was that simple.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

 **Shay's POV.**

The interviews we did went pretty well, I mean I think so, I was mostly focused on Ashley. ButtahBenzo was going pretty strong I'd say, we spammed the fans. But nothing gave me shivers more than when Ashley posted a selfie we took with the caption _"#wife"_. It literally made my heart skip a beat, and it was all I could think about for the rest of the day. I posted the same picture with the same caption, and all I could think of was how right it felt calling her my wife. _Ashley Benson, my wife._ It seemed so perfect, being with her in that way. Getting down on one knee for her, walking down the aisle with her, building a life with her, hell even having children with her. It all flashed in my mind in less than a second, and suddenly it became all that I wanted, all that I _lived_ for.

Call me crazy, but that's all it took to delete every single doubt I had left in my mind. I was now more sure than ever that I want this girl, that I need her to function.

I wanted to be alone with Ashley, and I had very little opportunities to do that because we're only here for 3 days and working most of the time. But since the cast didn't have any plans to get together tonight, I figured I'd ask Ashley out for dinner.

Her room was right next to mine so I figured I'd go and ask her in person, seeing her was always a good idea.

"Ash? You in there?" I said as I knocked on her door.

"Yeah just a minute." She said back, and opened the door a few seconds later. Her hair was wet, so she must have been taking a shower.

"Hey, come in." She smiled

"Someone smells nice." I said breathing in her scent, it was _so_ addicting.

"Yeah that's sort of the point of getting cleaned up." She said in an obvious sarcastic way and I giggled.

"Have you had dinner yet?"

"Nope, not yet. What about you?"

"Me neither, I actually came by meaning to ask you if you maybe wanted to go out for dinner?" I said in an unsure nervous matter.

"Just the two of us?"

"Y-yeah. I mean only if you want to, I didn't really ask what the girls are doing tonight but I can ask the-"

"Shay, calm down." She cut me off chuckling,"Yes I'd like to go have dinner with you." She smiled

"Really?" I said probably smiling like a little kid on Christmas morning.

"Yeah. Just give me like half an hour to get ready, okay?"

"Yeah, perfect. I'll be in my room."

Less than 30 mins later I got a text from Ash letting me know she's ready, so I went to meet up with her in the hall and take off for our dinner date. _Date?_ Is it a date? Does she want it to be a date? Debating with myself did take a few extra minutes so I quickly erased that thought and left.

"Damn Shannon. All of that for me?" She smiled checking me out, I had a black tight dress on that I knew she'd like.

"All for you Benzo. You like?" I smirked

"I love."

"You don't look so bad yourself." She doesn't look bad _at all._ She had tight ripped white pants on, with a black crop top and heels. She was glowing, literally.

"Thanks, shall we go?"

"Yes, let's go!"

We decided we were both in the mood for sea food, so we went to Red Lobster located in Times Square.

"Hello ladies, welcome to Red Lobster, I'm Juan and I'll be your waiter. What would you like to order?" A hunky teenaged young man introduced himself.

"Hey Juan, we'll have the Calamari rings, Crab Salad, and Shrimps." I ordered after we both agreed what we wanted to have.

"Anything to drink?"

"Two Mai Tai's please."

"Okay, I'll be around if you need anything else." He added and left.

"So, how's everything been with you?" I asked, truly wanting to check up on how she's doing.

"It's going good, spending most of my time cooking basically. It's sort of my new habit now."

"I know I've seen your snaps! Have you burnt the kitchen down yet?"

"So far no! I can't guarantee what might happen soon though." We laughed

"Well, you're gonna have to cook me something sometime soon then." I smiled

"Yeah, I'd like to do that." She blushed and smiled down. _How could she be so goddamn cute?_

"How's it going with you and Ryan?" I said so fast, just needing to get it out of my system.

"There's nothing there. Just friends, nothing more. You know he's been a part of my life for so long it'd be wrong to just cut him off."

"Of course."

"W-what about you? Matthew?" She said with a hint of sadness in her voice that I could tell she was trying to hide.

"Uh it's over, whatever it was anyways is over."

"What? Why?" Her eyes lit up and it made me happy to see that because it meant she actually still cares.

"No connection. He's not what I want, anyways."

"What do you want?"

I stared into her eyes, trying to figure out how to blurt out the ' _I want you'._ But before I could do so, our conversation was interrupted by Juan bringing our food.

"Thank you." I heard Ashley say, I was still too overwhelmed to focus or say anything.

After we ate and chatted some more over completely different subjects, we wandered around Times Square, her hand in mine.

"So, dinner, hand in hand, walking around, what's going on?" She said after a while of silence.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what is this? Is it a date?"

"Do you want it to be a date?" _Please say yes._

"I-I don't know." She stuttered

"Oh." I said, slightly disappointed.

"I mean, I don't not want it to be a date, I just don't know."

"Well, if you want to consider this a date, then we will. And if you're not comfortable with that, we can just consider it a friendly dinner. No pressure." I said, I was trying to be really careful with what she's feeling, I had already been so reckless once.

"Okay." She smiled.

After walking around for the next hour, we headed back to the hotel having been both worn out.

I walked her to her room, and soon my entire body was shaking. _What should I do? What do I say? Do I just say goodnight and walk away?_

"I had a lot of fun tonight, thanks for suggesting we do this, Shay." She said, her hand still in mine.

"Me too, thanks for agreeing to do this."

I stared into her bright blue eyes and she stared into my dark brown ones till all the air in the room was sucked. My eyes switched from looking into hers then at her lips, then back into her eyes. Her bottom lip was trembling, and before I could lose the last strike of courage I got, I directly leaned in and placed my lips on hers. Our lips moved in rhythm, her hand was placed on my face and my arm was wrapped around her waist. It wasn't rushed or rough, it was soft and passionate. About a minute later she pulled away, and we just stood there staring at each other. So I simply leaned forward and kissed her forehead, then started walking away.

"Good night love." I said

"G-good night." She was still hypnotized, I could tell. But that was a good sign, _I think._ So before I could come up with some thoughts about how she didn't like what happened, I rested my head on my pillow and slipped into deep sleep calling the night a success.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

 **Ashley's POV.**

Work trips are usually supposed to be tough, but with my job they've always been a blast, especially since I'm surrounded by the best group of people I could ask for. After our radio interview, we were asked to play a little game of truth or dare, only this time, it was only truth. We were supposed to take some sort of honesty test, with equipment that could totally catch if you're lying, so it was pretty nerve-wrecking. I went first because I wanted to get this over with, and all the questions I was asked first seemed to be smooth and gentle. That was until I was asked a certain question that did somehow stand out.

"Are you a better kisser than the rest of your cast mates?" Sasha asked

"Well I've never kissed any of you guys so I don't know." _Wrong._ I definitely knew I wasn't the best kisser because Shay was, and I definitely knew that because I've kissed her. But I focused my answer on the other three girls so that I seemed to be telling the truth.

"Wait is that true?" Troian jumped it, I was literally on the verge of killing her. She knows that's not true, why would she even ask that?

But apparently that truth machine thingy was pretty much a scam and didn't show any sign of lying, so I was safe.

After all that was over, I went back to the hotel and took a shower. Surprisingly enough, Shay asked me out to dinner. Yes, with just her and me. Even though I hesitated at first, I wasn't going to say no to her, so I got dressed and went. It didn't turn out to be as friendly as I thought it would be however, from dinner, to walking around the city with our fingers entwined, to her actually _kissing_ me goodnight.

God that girl seems to confuse me more and more every single time, but I didn't care, I didn't give one single damn. We're in New York, aren't we? This is _our_ city. We're only here for a couple of days, if I can have her in _that_ way here, even if it's just for a short period, I'mma knock myself out. I already have no hope, and this seems to be better than nothing. So I went to bed with a smile on my face, wondering what this wonderful city was going to bring me the next day.

I only managed to get a few hours of sleep, since we were required to wake up super early _again_ for another interview. Even though I was pissed and tired, I shrugged it off and got ready, then made my way to the lobby where we planned to meet.

"Good morning guys." I smiled as I saw the girls, my eyes landing on a specific one out of them.

"Morning." Each of them replied, but I only managed to hear Shay's voice as she looked at me and gave me one of her sweet I-Hope-You're-Thinking-About-Last-Night-As-Much-As-I-Am smiles. _And boy was I doing that._

"What time are we leaving?" I asked

"Right after we have breakfast, shall we go?" Troian asked

"Yeah, I'm starving." I answered and we all went to where the buffet was

After breakfast we headed to the interview, hair and make up first obviously. It was fun, we told stories about fun times on set and I talked about the time I stripped down for Shay on her birthday. The video was even shown and we laughed our butts off at the memory.

We finished that and headed back to our hotels to rest for a bit before we headed off to another interview. The moment I arrived to my room I took my clothes off and put on a robe and laid down for a bit, but it was only for a few seconds before Shay came knocking on my door with her only in a robe as well. It was extremely funny how we were always thinking exactly the same, so she came in and we ordered some lunch.

We were in the middle of a conversation when my phone rang, it was Ryan. I usually answer him whenever, but I didn't really want my conversation with her to be interrupted.

"Who is it?" She asked when she saw me hang up instead of taking the call

"Oh um, it's no one, it's just Ryan."

"Why won't you answer him?" She asked even though I could see the jealousy shining bright in her eyes

"I'm talking to you, aren't I?"

"You can answer if you want, I don't mind." She does mind, she minds it _a lot._

"Sure you don't." I said under my breath hoping she wouldn't hear but also hoping she would

"What's that Ashley Benson?" Her eyes widened but she smiled in disbelief

"I'm just saying!" I started laughing

"Mhmm. Answer him, I have nothing against it."

"Okay I'm going to call him back." But as soon as I held my phone and pretended to redial his number, she smacked it right out of my hands.

"Don't you dare!" She yelled and I burst out laughing

"Is somebody jealous?"

"Yes, I am. Which reminds me, I've been wanting to do something all day."

"And that is?"

"Come here." She grabbed me by my robe and crashed my lips onto hers. _Heaven,_ literally. I've been waiting for her to do that all day, and she finally did. She leaned back so I was on top of her, and she had her arms wrapped around my back while my hands were palming her cheeks. Reminds me of last night's position, only this time we're upside down.

Our make out session was getting hotter and hotter by the second,but before things could go any further there was a knock at the door.

We pulled away, still in a daze from all the kissing.

"I don't know who it is at the door, but whoever they are, fuck them." She whispered and I giggled

"Must be the food, come on get up." I got off her and went to open the door, allowing the waiter to push in our food carts into the room.

After we ate, it was time to head back to work to shoot a live Q&A. Shay and I were seated next to each other as always, and even though our attention should have been on the questions,we spent the entire time whispering and giggling and holding on to each other. What I loved most about my relationship with Shay is that even though we don't know what exactly we are or what we're going to be, we were best friends first. That's always going to be the thing that mattered most.

"So what do you wanna do tonight?" She whispered in my ear after we left and were completely done with work for the day

"I kind of want to stay in, is that okay?"

"You wanna stay in with me or like, alone?" She seemed confused, and to be honest she looked cutest when she's confused

"With you silly. We could watch a movie?" I suggested and her smile widened again

"Yeah, sounds great."

So yes, we stayed in my room and put on a movie, but did we actually watch any of it? Nope. One thing left to the other and next thing you know all of our clothes were scattered around the room, and we were left breathless in each other's arms.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

 **Shay's POV.**

I woke up feeling complete, and that's obviously because I had a sleeping beauty sharing a bed with me. Last night was the definition of a perfect night, being deprived from her for so long was so impossibly hard which made the night extremely satisfying. I am winning Ashley back, I know I'm doing it, and this time it will go exactly as planned.

I felt her stir next to me and within seconds those beautiful big blue eyes were piercing through my heart.

"Good morning." She said in her raspy morning voice

"Morning gorgeous." I said and leaned in to kiss her lips, making her smile through the kiss as she wrapped her arms around me.

"You do know if we start we'll never get out of here, right?" She said through the kisses as I began deepening them.

"I don't mind that. Do you?"

"Of course not, but we're it's not everyday we're in New York Shay. I'm not spending my day in bed."

"It's not like you're going to be lying around doing nothing." I tried seducing her one more time, but finally gave in. "Fine. We'll have it your way."

"Come on, we'll get breakfast on the way out."

We grabbed some food from the hotel buffet and headed to Queens. It's one of those beautiful old cities with a lot of interesting history, and Ash seemed excited to go there so we did. We wandered through the streets and basically got completely lost, but we were together and that's all that mattered.

We had some lunch on a street Deli, hot dogs and burgers because who can resist? Shopped a little as well, because neither of us can go a day in such a city without shopping.

"Shannon." Ashley stopped me as we were walking in the middle of a street.

"Yeah Ash?"

"I wanna do something adventurous."

"Ash, we're completely lost discovering Queens. Is that not adventurous enough for you?"

"Come on Shay I want more than that."

"Okay, what's on your mind?"

"Let's go get tattoos!" My eyes widened at her suggestion.

"Tattoos? Are you crazy?"

"Why? Come on you've never gotten one before!"

"And I'd like to keep it this way, thank you."

"Hey it would be a great experience believe me! Besides, tattoos are sexy." She smirked, trying to get into my head.

"I don't know Ash, I can't think of something I'd want to have on my body for the next 60 years or so."

"A quote you like, that means something to you. A family member's name. A symbol for Canada or whatever. Come on there's a billion things you could get, think of one!"

I paused a little, thinking about it. To be honest, the idea wasn't so bad, I could get a little one.

"Fine, I'll do it. But do you even know a place around here?"

"I saw one down the street. Come on let's go!" She grabbed my arm and started running, god that girl's crazy.

We got into the place and met the tattoo artist, I was creeped out at first at the store design but shrugged it off. We were handed catalogs with tattoo designs that we might be interested in having.

"What are you going to get?" I asked Ashley

"Well, even though I'm from California, you know I love this city a lot, right?" I nodded

"Well I'm going to have 'California' written on the side of my middle finger, and then 'New York' on the side of my other one."

"That's actually pretty cool."

"What are you going to get?"

"I think I'm going to get 'Family' written in Thai on my wrist. It's a beautifully written language."

"Okay, great! Seems like we know what we want. Shall we?"

"O-okay." My nerves were beginning to kick in.

"So who's first?" Dani, the tattoo artist, asked.

"She'll go first." Ashley said

"Wait, what?"

"Come on you can do this. Besides I'm right here." She gave me an assuring smile. _Okay Shay, you can do this, stop being such a kid._

"W-will you hold my hand?" I asked Ash, shaking in fear.

"Of course." She intwined our fingers together, but I could tell she was trying to hold her laughter because of how scared I look.

"You ready?" Dani asked

"I'm ready."

So we got the tattoos, and surprisingly it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. For our last location, we went to a park on top of a hill where all of New York was glowing brightly beneath us. It was breathtaking, and it reminded me of the time we went to the Empire State Building. Ashley was just standing there, staring at the beautiful city that always seemed to hide so much for us. Without her noticing, I snapped a picture of her. Even though the city looked incredible in the picture, she looked even better.

"Did you just take a picture of me?" She asked, smiling

"I did, and you look amazing. Check your instagram."

I posted the picture within seconds. ' _Sorry New York, but someone's beauty tops yours.'_ , the caption said.

"Come here." She said, grabbing me by my jacket and wrapping her arms around my neck. "You're a dime, Shay Mitchell."

"No one shines as bright as you." I said, and we crashed our lips together, making time freeze.

"Thank you for today. I would have never overcame my fear of needles if it wasn't for you."

"Always. I'll always be here to remind you that you can accomplish anything, and that nothing can stand in your way."

I didn't even bother to answer, there's nothing I would say that could perfectly describe how amazing this woman right here is, or how thankful I am to have her in my life. So all I did was rest my forehead on hers, and we stayed like that for a long while.

Tonight, the city is ours.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

 **Ashley's POV.**

The past few days have been magical. Everything I've ever dreamed of having with Shay is becoming reality, but even though I was extremely enjoying it, I was also worried. _What does it all mean?_

Sure it looks like she wants this, like she wants _me_ , but we've been through this before several times. She made it clear she can't do this, why's she acting this way? Is it another couple-of-days fling?

I shouldn't have gave in to that, it's only going to make tomorrow worse. _Tomorrow_ , the day we go back to LA, the day our little paradise ends.

Shay and I got back from our day in Queens and each went to our own rooms, we're sleeping separately tonight. I didn't want to think about what tomorrow might bring, but I couldn't avoid it any longer, tomorrow and what it holds are bound to come. Letting out a loud sigh, I placed my head on my pillow and drifted into sleep.

My alarm rang at precisely 9:00 AM. We had to head to the airport at 11, so I got up and took a cold shower to shake my nerves away, which clearly failed because I was still nervous as hell, and packed my suitcase.

Going through my suitcase, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in, it's open." I said to whoever was knocking, which of course turned out to be Shay.

"Morning, I got you coffee." She smiled brightly, handing me my cup of coffee.

"Thank you." I gave a little smile back

She slowly leaned in and started kissing me, and I was too weak to not kiss back at first. But when she began deepening the kiss and laying me down on bed, it was a wake up call for me to stop, so I pulled away.

"Shay, what are we doing?"

"You're right, you're right. We shouldn't be wasting time we head tot he airport in 30 mins. Speaking of which, you still haven't packed a thing Ashley!" I wasn't even talking about that, _why is she so clueless?_

"I uh, I don't think I'm going to the airport." I said

"But then you'll miss your flight, silly." _She still doesn't get it, does she?_

"That's the point, Shay. I don't think I'm going back to LA, at least not now." Her facial expression was a mix of confusion and disappointment

"What do you mean?" She gently asked

"I don't think I can do this, go back and pretend like there's nothing going on." I spat out

"Nothing going on with what?"

"With us! God Shay can you please keep up?"

"Who ever said you had to pretend anything?"

"Shay, I know you. I know that this isn't serious for you, that you're not going to want to continue this. And you've already made it very clear to me so it's not your fault, but I've fallen again Shay. I've fallen and I can't go back to where I once was, which is why I can't go back to LA right now." I was pacing around the room, stopping to stare at her every now and then.

"Ashley, stop, look at me." She took my hands in hers and looked me in the eye

"This _is_ serious for me Ash, God I've never been more serious about anything else in my entire life. I made a mistake, Ashley, a huge stupid mistake, and I'll regret it till the day I die. I let you go, I put you in a massive amount of pain and I made you think that I don't have any feelings for you. But you need to know that I was putting myself through the same amount of pain, if not worse. I was scared, Ash. I was a coward, I was scared of people judging me, but then I realized that there's nothing I fear more than losing you. I can't lose you, I lost you for a few months and they were the worst months of my life. I tried to move on, but you're the only person I wanted to be with each second of every day. I tried convincing myself otherwise, but I can't Ash. I can't hide the fact that _I love you_ any longer. Yes, there, I said it. I love you, and only you. I know it might be too late, and I know I may not even deserve a second chance, but here I am Ashley. Here I am asking you for another chance, and baby I promise you I won't mess it up this time, because I'm sure, I've never been more sure about anything. I want to be with you, I don't care about anything else in the entire world. I just want to be with you."

I was speechless, _am I dreaming?_ Was Shay Mitchell seriously standing in front of me confessing her love? I've waited for this for almost a year now, and here she is. Tears were easily pouring out of both of our eyes, mine out of shock, and hers out of emotion and sincerity. I could tell she means every single word, and even though some would say I'm stupid for doing this, that all she's going to do is break my heart again, I can't say no to her. I want this just as much as she does.

"I trust you with my heart, Shay Mitchell." I said and huge ass smiles were forming on both of our faces.

"Thank you. Thank you so much, I promise you, you won't regret this." She whispered and hugged me so tight.

"Babe, I hate to break the moment, but I think I should pack."

"Oh so now you wanna go to LA, hmm?" She smiled

"Anywhere, I'd wanna go anywhere as long as I'm with you."

And it was true, I'd follow this girl to the edge of the earth.

—

 **Wow, I can't believe this story has come this far! I started out writing this for a couple of friends to read, but I keep getting the sweetest reviews from you all, and I honestly just wanted to say thank you! I hope you enjoy every single chapter, and that you're never disappointed. I also hope your love life isn't this complicated lol, but yes thanks a lot lovelies! Until the next chapter :)**


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

 **Shay's POV.**

I couldn't believe it, the girl of my dreams, Ashley Victoria Benson, was finally and officially my girlfriend. I swore on my life that I'd never hurt her again, at least I would never intend to. In that moment, I simply felt happy, the kind of happiness you can't really explain. It's like you're flying, but with no fear of falling, because you have someone there to keep you grounded enough. That was Ashley, my lady.

The flight back to LA was peaceful and comforting, Ashley fell asleep on my shoulder and I placed my head on hers and fell asleep as well. When we arrived, it was around 5 PM, so I asked her to go shower and rest a bit, then come back to my place for dinner. I didn't want to let her go tonight, I wanted to fall asleep in her arms.

I arrived home and hoped in the shower, then unpacked my bag and did my laundry, and damn did I take a lot of clothes to New York. After that, I decided I'd prefer to cook for Ashley tonight, it would be much more romantic than ordering take out. So I cooked my special four cheese pasta, side breadsticks, placed a bottle of red wine on the table along with a couple of candles, and headed upstairs to get dressed.

I was too tired for a formal outfit, but I still wanted to look good for Ashley, so I put on a black skirt with a light pink button up shirt, flats because I didn't want to do too much effort to kiss her, and went with a natural no make-up look.

The door bell went off at exactly 8:09 PM, and it was my _lover_ whom I hurriedly welcomed with open arms, and lips.

"Well hello to you too." She smiled after I finished attacking my lips to hers the second I saw her.

"Hi gorgeous." I smiled back, then stepped aside for her to come in.

"What smells so good? Other than you." She said as she placed her nose in the crook of my neck. I had put on her favorite perfume, I wanted to make her crazy tonight.

"I made pasta." I said, smiling at my accomplishment.

"You cooked?!" She said surprised.

"I did, just for you."

"Aw look at you Shannon Ashley being all romantic and shit." She smiled, her eyes full of love and admiration.

"Don't ruin the moment, come on let's eat, I'm starving."

"Wait now how are we supposed to eat pasta without being seductive?" There goes Ashley, making everything about sex.

"Self control babe, ever heard of it?" I winked

"I'm afraid it's not possible when you're giving me those looks and showing off your legs."

"Patience is a virtue, my darling. Now come on, it's getting cold."

We sat down at the table and I opened up the bottle of wine and poured in both of our glasses. Seconds later we started eating, and to be honest this is the first time I have cooked something that actually turned out to be this good.

"Mmm. So good! When did you learn to cook that well?" She said enjoying every taste.

"When I realized I'd like to surprise you with a home cooked meal full of love every now and then."

"Aren't I lucky?"

"Mhm. Eat up."

After we were both full, I asked Ashley to head over to the living room while I cleaned the table, but of course she insisted on helping. When we were done, we laid on the couch and put on a movie, then cuddled throughout it. After it was over, we were both getting really tired, so Ashley said she was gonna head home. HA! As if i'd let her.

"You're not going anywhere, Miss. I'm not sleeping tonight without you laying right next to me." I grabbed her arm and headed upstairs.

We changed into pajamas and got under the comforter, then I laid on her chest and she wrapped her arm around my shoulder. She was the big spoon for the night, I just needed to fall asleep listening to her heartbeat.

I woke up the next morning at 11:20 AM, Ashley was still sound asleep. I ran my fingers gently through her hair and just stared at her for like ten straight minutes before I decided to wake up my sleeping beauty.

"Ashy." I gently said

"Mmm." She said with her eyes still closed

"Come on get up babe, it's a beautiful day outside." I tried to persuade her

"I don't want to." She nagged

"You sure you don't?"

"Mhmm." _I knew exactly what to do to make her change her mind._

I headed to the bathroom and turned the shower on, counted to three, and boom! She showed up.

"You were _not_ going to shower without me Shannon Ashley Mitchell!"

"I would have if I had to babe, but since you're up, come here." I winked and got in the shower, with her joining me. I could have mornings like these forever and wouldn't complain.

—

 **Hey guys! I know this chapter is short, but it's just something full of fluff as a reward for all the pain they went through before they got together. Remember this is all fiction, even though I hope it turns to reality lol. Enjoy!**


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27:**

 **Ashley's POV.**

 _A few months later_

Shay and I have been together for a while now, and it's been nothing less than incredible. The amount of support we got from our friends and family was overwhelming, and everything just simply felt right. We didn't move in with each other yet, but we spent most of our time at each other's places so it isn't really much of a difference. I could genuinely say that I'm fully and completely happy, Shay simply has that effect on me, and I loved her for all that she is.

I was over at Shay's place and we were cuddling in bed, just another simple lazy night. Shay was rambling on and on about something that went wrong on her favorite tv show, and I was pretending to listen while flipping through the music on my phone. I found a song that described what I felt for Shay perfectly, and decided to channel my inner rockstar. I stood up on the bed and decided put on a little show, partly to get a laugh out of her and partly to get her to shut up.

I started the music and pointed at her as I sang along.

 _You're a falling star, you're the getaway car, you're the line in the sand when I go to far_

 _You're a swimming pool, on an august day, and you're the perfect thing to say._

"Ashley are you even listening?" She tried to cut me off but I ignored it.

 _And you play it coy, but it's kind of cute, oh when you smile at me you know exactly what you do!_

 _Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true, cause you can see it when I look at you._

"What are you doing, dummie?" She couldn't help but chuckle, so I reached down and took her hand and used it as a microphone.

 _And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times, it's you it's you, you make me sing, you're every line, you're every word, you're everything._

"Okay, are you finished now?" She said, but I continued to jump on the bed to the rhythm of the music waiting for the next part of the song to start.

 _You're a carousel , you're a wishing well, and you light me up when you ring my bell._

 _You're a mystery, you're from outer space, you're every minute of every day._

"Babe, I kind of got it." She smiled but I continued anyways.

 _And I can't believe that I'm your woman, and I get to kiss you baby just because I can, whatever comes our way we'll see it through.. and you know that's what our love can do._

Then I leaned down and got on top of her, ready to crash her lips with mine as the song almost ended.

 _You're every song, and I sing along, cause you're my everything._

I kissed her and she smiled into the kiss, so I couldn't help but smile back.

"You're crazy, you know that?" She said

"Crazy for you."

"Am I really all that?"

"You're more." My answer made her smile so big, and we rested our foreheads together for a couple of seconds.

"Shay, let's go on a late night adventure!"

"Ash, it's 11:30 PM."

"It's called late night adventure for a reason, you know."

"No babe, I'm too tired."

"Come on, live a little grannie!"

"Ashley don't start…" She whined

"You know I won't stop till you get your ass up. Come on, I have something in mind. Let's create memories!"

"We can create memories in here, you know." She tried being seductive and grabbed me by my shirt.

"Not tonight, baby." She pouted and I kissed her pout away, then got up and got dressed because it was the only way she'd get up to do the same.

We headed to the beach, it was beautiful and empty, which made it extra romantic. We stopped at In-N-Out and 7/11 on the way, so we got all that we needed, except for maybe a swimsuit.

"Wait, why are we at the beach Ash? We don't even have our bikinis." Shay asked, confused about what's going on.

"That's sort of the point. Ever been skinny dipping?" I smirked, giving a hint about what we were going to do next.

"Wait, no! No no no no, definitely not Ashley Benson!"

"There's no one around, Shay!"

"That doesn't mean they can't just simply show up at any time!"

"Would you rather swim in your clothes?"

"I'd rather not swim at all, thank you very much."

"That's not an option, so shut your pie hole and start stripping." I smirked again and started taking off my own clothes, then got into the water. Shay was still on shore with her mouth open wide in reaction to what I had just done, but less than a minute later she gave in and joined me, _naked._

We swam around for about an hour, then put our clothes on and ate dinner. Well, that is if food at 1:30 AM is considered dinner. We raced around and took pictures like little kids, but we were definitely making memories.

I had gotten fireworks from 7/11 for me and Shay to set off without her knowing, so let's just say the first one did scare the fuck out of her.

"I hate you! You could have warned me!" She yelled while I laughed my ass off.

"Well, you can always join me." We set off colorful fireworks into the night sky, and in that moment, everything felt completely right. Well, maybe up until we heard police sirens coming our way and had to run our asses off.

"Oh my god, hide!" I whisper-yelled to Shay as we started running our asses off and hid under a rock on the beach.

"I am going to fucking kill you. Did you know it was illegal to set off fireworks after midnight?" She was glaring at me and whisper yelling so that we wouldn't get caught.

"Oops?" I was on the verge of breaking down in laughter. A police officer was flashing his light all over the beach, searching for us basically. But after trying for about 15 minutes, he gave up and left.

"Finally!" Shay said and took my hand as we ran to the car.

"Can we finally go home now?" Shay asked

"Not quite. One more place to go."

"Where to now?!" I was driving that girl crazy, but I was enjoying every second of it.

"You'll see."

I took her to an extra late showing of those screenings of movies that happen in parks as you lay on blankets. It was super romantic, and free. As we laid on the blanket waiting for the movie to start, I caught Shay staring at me.

"What?" I smiled at the way she was looking at me.

"I love you, you know that?" I was laying on her chest so I tilted my head up and kissed her lips.

"I know, and I love you."

We got back into our position and watched the movie, and then we headed home as the sun was rising. Before I finally fell asleep next to her, I checked my instagram and saw her post something, it was a picture of us that we took on the beach.

' _We all need someone that brings out our crazy side and admires every part of it. Thanks for the extremely special late night adventure, my love.'_

I turned over to tell her how much her post means to me, but found her sound asleep. So I kissed her forehead, and drifted off into deep sleep as well.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

 **Shay's POV.**

A lot has changed in our lives ever since Ashley and I got together, everything feels better, like it has all fallen into the right place. We obviously faced criticism, after all homophobia still exists and a lot of people think of what we have as a fling and that we craved change, but they don't know about us, our bond, our _love._

We're currently filming season 7 of Pretty Little Liars, and we have a few other things going on as well. Our life career wise is pretty busy, but we always find time to see each other and connect.

My latest project was a music video I filmed for Nick Jonas's new single, and let's just say what we filmed was pretty steamy. Ashley basically lost her mind watching it, she got _so_ jealous and I enjoyed every second of it, especially because she was out to prove to me that I was hers and only hers afterwards, and she did it in the sexiest way possible.

However, now it was time for the MMVA's which is taking place in Canada, my home. We flew here yesterday, and the event was only a couple of hours away. I was getting ready with my glam team, but honestly all I could think about was Ashley, I couldn't wait to see what she's wearing.I bet she's going to look gorgeous, she always does. When it was almost time for the event and I was all ready, I went to meet my girl at some fire place where she was changing into her dress in order not to wrinkle her dress.

"Wow." I said, taking a look at Ash from behind.

"Gosh babe you scared me! I didn't realize you arrived." She said with her hand over her heart.

"I'm sorry, but wow Ash. You look amazing." I was overwhelmed by this woman's beauty.

"Thank you baby. You look incredible yourself." She said taking my hands in hers.

"I'm so happy to be here, in Canada, with you."

"I'm happy to be here too, my love." She placed a gentle kiss on my lips so that our lipstick wouldn't get jammed together.

"So, ready to go?"

"After you my lady." She made a hand gesture that earned a chuckle out of me, and then we got going.

We stepped out of the car hand in hand and headed to the red carpet. Soon after we got there, we let go of each other and spread around, to take individual pictures and be interviewed.

However, a few minutes later as I was posing, I heard a significant amount of people in the stands booing and yelling hateful comments. I glanced over to Ashley, and realized they were directed to her.

Anger easily flowed in my body, and if I wasn't in the right state of mind I swear I could have headed over to the stands and screwed them over for hating on my girl, but instead I directly headed over to Ashley and took her hand in mine. The comments were increasing, and one that I noticed was a ' _Why do you hate your fans?'_ comment. Bullshit! Utter and complete bullshit, there was no one sweeter with the fans than Ash. How could people be so clueless?

I could feel Ash tensing up, and I immediately felt super bad because she already suffers from enough anxiety in events like this, she gets nervous easily, how could people put her in such a position?

"Shay I need to get out of here. I can't do this." She whispered in my ear, her head was now sinking low to the ground so that no one, especially the photographers, could see her tearing up.

"Hey, hey no. Listen we just need to get through one interview together then we can go backstage okay? Just hang in there for this one, for me okay? Okay baby?" My grip was tight and my thumb was rubbing circles on the back of her hand.

"Let's just get this over with." She took a breath and put on a fake smile, and I just hate the fact that she had to put on this facade.

Ashley is a professional actress, so there was no worry about her seeming off in the interview. But I knew that she was suffering inside, so we wrapped up the interview quick and headed to our dressing rooms backstage.

The second we got in Ashley's dressing room, she let out a loud sob she was holding in, and the tears started easily streaming down her face.

"Baby come here. Don't cry, please. You know I hate to see you cry." I pulled her into my chest and had one arm around her back and the other behind her head, I kissed her head a few times in attempt to calm her down.

"I hate this Shay. I h-hate that I have to do this, and t-they hate m-me." She was barely able to get a few words out between her sobs and frantic breathing, she was breaking down.

"No, don't say that baby. You know how much your fans love and appreciate you, just because a couple of morons are heartless and stupid enough to make you think otherwise doesn't make it true. Your fans love you, _I love you._ Please don't allow yourself to be affected by them." I didn't realize it, but I was crying as well. I was crying over my love's pain, I couldn't stand seeing her so vulnerable.

"W-why are you crying?" _This,_ this is why I'm in love with this girl. Within seconds her eyes that were full of hurt turned into eyes full of worry, just because she saw a few tears fall out of my eyes. She removed her focus from her pain to my own.

"Because I hate seeing you like this, I hate it when you feel like you're not worthy enough. I just wish you could see yourself the way I see you, you're perfect baby. You're perfect and I won't allow some assholes to make you think lowly of yourself." She smiled through her tears, and placed a hand on my cheek.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" She said genuinely, I just smiled in return and placed my forehead against hers.

"Just breathe baby, breathe. A few more hours and we'll be out of here, okay?" She nodded

"I love you so much." I said

"I love you more. You're _everything_ to me." I didn't have to answer her, I just kissed her instead. We didn't need words, one look at each other and we knew. We knew how much we meant to each other.

"Now, let's go fix your make up my princess, then go out there and slay them all."

—

 **Hello lovely readers! As you can see, I really jumped forward in time with this fic. I might be close to wrapping this story up, and I really wanted to write something based on yesterday's events. If you're wondering, the hate and booing part towards Ash did take place last night. I know it's awful, but in my head, this is what Shay would have done to make her feel better. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and once again thank you so much for your amazing reviews. I promise if I decide to wrap this up soon, it's only because I'm working on different Buttahbenzo/Hannily stories. Thanks for reading! Until next time :)**


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

 **Ashley's POV.**

I have been dealing with a lot of trouble regarding my anxiety ever since the MMVA's. It's been a while since I've struggled with it, it used to be a huge problem for me back in 2011, but by time i learned how to deal with it. Lately, however, I've been feeling super anxious and nervous most of the time. There's just this weird feeling that i can't shake off, a feeling of sadness and loneliness. Confusion's taken over me, my head's crowded with thoughts and I can't think straight anymore. Most of the nights I just cry myself to sleep, and most of the days I come up with excuses to be alone. Other than work, I haven't been seeing Shay much, even though she always asks to hang out. I just feel like I need to deal with this on my own.

I had an early call to work and I had barely gotten any sleep, there was a knot in my stomach and I couldn't take a proper breath. I dragged myself out of bed and washed my face to cool down a bit, then I put on some jean shorts and a shirt and got going. I only had to shoot for a few hours, then I could come back and throw myself in bed again. I drove to set and entered the gate, then parked my car and went to grab a coffee to keep me awake.

"Good morning Ash." Lucy greeted me as I entered hair and make up.

"Hey Luce." I said back, forcing a smile.

"Shay was looking for you." I instantly felt guilt take over, Shay's been searching for me and I've been doing my best to avoid her.

"Uh yeah, I'll meet with her when I get out of here." _Lie._ I wasn't going to go look for her, but we did have a scene to shoot together so I was eventually going to see her.

15 minutes later I got out of hair and make up and headed to my trailer. I still had 20 minutes left to shoot, so I figured I'd go lie down a bit.

Just as I was turning the knob of my trailer's door, I felt arms wrap around my stomach and a kiss was placed on my cheek.

"Hey there beautiful." Shay whispered in my ear, relaxing me a bit.

"Hey baby." I answer but didn't turn around to face her,I just opened the door and entered.

"Are you okay?" Her voice was full of concern and worry, so I had to turn around.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." I tried to seem as convincing as possible. It obviously looked like she didn't buy it, but she didn't want to pressure me so she just let it go.

"Who are you shooting with first?"

"Uh Brendan. You?"

"Sasha, which reminds me, I've gotta get going. I'll see you in a while babe, okay?" She pecked my lips and caressed my cheek.

"Yeah, good luck Shan."

When she left I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding in, I feel bad for lying to Shay but I just don't want to worry her. I crashed on the couch for a bit, then headed to where I was needed.

By the end of the day, I was ultimately exhausted. I still had one scene to shoot, the one with Shay, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I kept forgetting my lines, I was pacing around all the time, I just couldn't stand still.

"Okay, everybody take 5 and then we'll try again." Marlene said after basically losing hope in me.

"Are you okay?" Shay approached me and held my hands.

"Just tired." I shrugged

"Ash-"

"Look I gotta go review my lines so that I could get this over with." I removed my hands from hers and went to grab my script, I just couldn't stand there and have her ask what was wrong, I knew I would break down if that happened.

Eventually I did manage to shoot my scene, which meant I was finally done. I headed over to my trailer to grab my stuff and leave as fast as I could, but the second I got there I realized Shay had been following me. She got in my trailer and closed the door behind her, which clearly signified she wanted to talk.

"Okay what's going on with you?" She crossed her arms and stared at me.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Ashley."

"I'm not, what is going on?"

"Oh so you want me to tell you? Okay well you have no focus what so ever, you look like you haven't slept all night, you basically ran off here the second Marlene yelled cut, and don't think I haven't been noticing that you're trying to avoid me."

"I'm not trying to avoid you."

"Then why have you been canceling all our plans, never picking up your phone when I call, and why do you suddenly flinch every time I touch you?"

"Shay I-"

"Are you bored with me or something? Are you losing feelings?"

"No! Of course not!" I raised my voice and furrowed my brows, that wasn't the case at all.

"Then what the hell is going on?!"

"L-look, i can't do this here. Can we go back to my place?" She nodded

"Okay, I'll meet you there." I grabbed my bag and walked to my car then drove home. I walked around the house for what seemed like hours until Shay got here, I just didn't know how to explain everything to her.

Soon enough there was a knock on the door and it was Shay. She placed her bag on the couch and sat on the edge of it.

"So, are you going to tell me?" She said calmly

"I haven't been pushing you away on purpose." I said slowly

"Then what is it?"

I took a deep breath and tried to speak, but no words would come out of my mouth. Tears started forming in my eyes, and I just felt like I'm about to lose it.

"Ashley.." She got up and walked towards me, took my hands in hers and stared at me with eyes full of love and concern.

"Shay I'm sorry, I can't tell you what's going on."

"Why not?!"

"I just can't, okay?" I yelled out, my nerves getting the best of me.

"I j-just can't." My voice broke down, and she didn't know what to say or do in that moment.

"Ashley please, I just need to understand. I can help you."

"No you can't! No one can! I have to deal with this on my own."

"That's not your choice to make, okay? The second we got together is the second things meant you don't have to deal with anything on your own anymore. I'm here, you can't expect me to just stand here and see you like this."

"I just don't know how to explain things, Shay. It's just been a hell of a week.." My tears never stopped as I tried to explain to the love of my life what was wrong with me.

"It looks like you're afraid, Ashley. I can see fear in your eyes, but fear of what?"

"That's what I don't know! It's just that my anxiety attacks are back, I haven't been able to get any sleep, I keep having this feeling that something bad's going to happen, and I can't shake it away Shay! The voice in my head is freaking me out." I was sobbing uncontrollably now, and Shay pulled me into her chest and let me cry my heart out.

"Baby.." She started when I began to calm down.

"Baby look at me." I pushed my head back and looked into her eyes.

"I know it's not easy. Anxiety isn't a simple thing to deal with, my love, and I hate to see you suffer. It breaks my heart to see you like this, and I wish I could stop that voice inside your head I really do, but I'm not going to be much help if you don't help yourself. I want you to come to me, I don't want you to deal with anything on your own, or keep a single bad thought to yourself. I need you to tell me everything. I'm here my love, I'm here for a reason and I'm not going away."

"Why? Why are you here?"

"Because I love you. Because you're the most amazing human being I have ever encountered, and the strongest too. I'm in love with every little thing that you do, with every little thing that defines who you are. And I want to be by your side through this, I want you to let me. Do you baby? Will you let me help you fight this?"

"Y-yeah. Yeah I will."

I was amazed by this woman standing in front of me. There was no doubt that she's the best thing that's ever happened to me, I knew that all along, but in that moment I found out something new. I found out that I wanted to spend my entire life with her. I wanted to get married and have a family with one Shay Mitchell.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

 **Shay's POV.**

Ever since Ashley's break down, I had been extra cautious about her mental health. I always kept an eye on her, made sure she was eating well, and basically tried my best to stay with her at all times. Seeing her hurting killed me, I was trying my best to make her feel good again and I was extremely scared that I'd fail to do so. Ashley is the most important thing in the world to me, and if I can't make her happy, I don't think I'd be able to live with myself.

We had one more day to shoot before we take a short 10 day hiatus. My main focus for this break is to make sure Ashley has a good time, I had suggested we travel somewhere but she said she'd rather hang around LA, so I just shrugged off the idea. It doesn't matter where we are really, I was going to make sure we do things Ashley enjoys.

My alarm rang at 8 AM and I lazily reached out to turn it off. My arm was a little numb but that's because Ashley's head had been laying on it all night. I glanced at her and she was still sound asleep, so I reached forwards and gently kissed her forehead.

"Baby, it's time to get up." I slowly whispered, running my hand through her blonde locks.

"Five more minutes please.." She murmured with her eyes still closed.

"We don't want to be late beautiful, besides it's our last day. I'll go make breakfast, okay?" She nodded and I pecked her lips, then got up and prepared breakfast for us.

About ten minutes later Ashley came downstairs all dressed up, I was still making pancakes so she wrapped her arms around my waste and placed a kiss on my neck making me push my head back into the sweet sensation.

"Babe.." I slightly moaned.

"Mmm?" She moved from my neck to my collar bone.

"Why don't you go set the table?" I said hating to cut what we're doing off but I knew that if we started now, we'd never get to set on time.

"Okay." She kissed my cheek and grabbed two plates.

We ate the food and took off, Ashley was driving. When we got to the gate, she stopped the car.

"You do know you're supposed to go in, right?" I smiled and raised my eyebrows

"Yeah I sort of figured that out over the past 7 years, but I need to take care of something first, so you go ahead and I'll be back in about an hour, okay?" I was confused, what could she possibly be taking care of at 9 in the morning?

"Is everything okay?" I looked into her eyes, begging for the truth.

"Babe, everything's fine. I'll be back soon." She stroked my hand and it gave me a sense of relief. I kissed her and got out of the car, but my mind let go of the thought of her.

I shot my first scene with Lucy and Troian, and my second with Keegan. By the time I was about to shoot my third, Ashley had arrived back on set and was getting ready to shoot a scene with Tyler. I couldn't cut off our shooting to go see her, so I waited until we were done. Throughout shooting though, I got a text from her.

 _What time do you get off? - Ash_

 _I finish at 4, why? - Shay_

 _I finish at 4:30. Wait for me? - Ash_

 _Of course xx - Shay_

By the time I finished shooting I hung out with Lucy and Troian while they waited to film their next scene.

"So how are things going on between you and Ash?" Troi asked in the middle of our conversation

"Things are good, she's amazing you know? Everything about us feels right." I smiled at the thought of her, the thought of us.

"Aww you two are so cute you make me want to cry." Lucy pouted and I laughed at her.

"I just want to make sure she's okay, she's been acting weird all day."

"I wouldn't worry about that." Troian said and Lucy nudged her.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing, she means nothing. We should probably get going now shouldn't we Troi?" Lucy said, seeming to panic.

"Yes, right! Sorry Shan Shan, duty calls!" She said and suddenly they were both out of sight. _Well that was weird._ A few minutes later I got a text from Ash letting me know she was done and to meet her at the car, so I grabbed my stuff and left.

"Hey baby." I kissed her cheek as I got into the car.

"Hey love, how are you?"

"I'm good, you? Did you take care of whatever you needed to do?" I slightly hinted she let me know what it was, but she didn't.

"Yeah it's all good." I just nodded and let it go. About 10 minutes later I noticed a change in our direction, at first I thought we were heading to Ashley's place instead of mine but we missed the turn for that too.

"Um Ash?"

"Yeah babe?"

"Where are we going?" I questioned

"What do you mean? Home." She stated like it was the obvious

"I'm pretty sure I know the way to my house, or yours."

"Well then, you'll find out in a few minutes." She smiled and I furrowed my brows because I had no idea what was going on.

We suddenly took a turn that leads to LAX, and that's when it all started to click.

"We're here." She said and unbuckled her seatbelt

"Um Ash, why are we at the airport? I thought you said you didn't want to go on vacation." I was super confused

"I turned down your offer because I had already made plans. Surprise!" She waved her hands in the air and got out of the car, she was laughing and I was still confused as hell.

"I still don't understand, wait, you packed for us?" I was surprised to see our luggage in the trunk of her car.

"Obviously,we're not going to go without our clothes Shannon. Give me a hand?" I reached out for a bag and she reached out for another one, then she grabbed my hand after giving her car keys to the Valet Parking and we entered the airport.

"Wait, where are we even going?"

"Just chill baby, you'll find soon." After we got our passports and tickets checked, which Ashley seemed to have, we went to wait for our flight in the seating lounge.

"Well, are you going to tell me where we're going?" I raised my eyebrows waiting for her to speak, she seemed to be enjoying teasing me.

"I'll give you a hint. It's somewhere you've wanted to go to for a long time. An Island to be precise." _I basically want to go everywhere Ash, that's not helping._ But after giving it some thought, I figured out where she was taking me.

"Wait, are we going to Bora Bora?!" I exclaimed and my eyes widened

"That's exactly where we're going baby." She smiled at me and I threw myself at her, hugging her so tight.

"Thank you thank you thank you! You're the best girlfriend ever!" If we hadn't been in a public place I would have jumped around like a little kid on christmas morning, but I had to have some control over myself.

"Anything for you, my lady love." She said and we sealed the moment with a kiss.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Ashley's Pov.

Taking Shay on vacation was an idea that popped up when I thought about how I could repay her for being the most amazing girlfriend anyone could ask for. Whenever she rambled about places she wanted to visit, Bora Bora came up, so I thought what better  
placeto go to inthe summertime? I had booked the resort and flight tickets a week before we took off, we were going to stay there for a week. A romantic getaway on the beach with just the two of us? Sounds pretty perfect to me. I'm going  
to makesure this week wasall about relaxation, fun, love, and surprises. I had something pretty big planned for Shay.

"Ashley I can't believe we're waiting to board our plane to Bora Bora. This is going to be the best vacation ever!" Shay squealed as we were waiting in line to get on the plane.

"Believe it babe, a couple of hours from now we're going to be laying by the ocean side in nothing but our bikinis." I winked

"Well doesn't that sound pleasant?" A devilish grin formed on her face.

"Move it Shannon before people kill us." I whispered in her ear when she was still staring at me.

"Right!" She grabbed her carry on and started walking again.

We got on the plane and made sure our luggage was in a safe place, then took our seats. We snapped some videos, then decided to take a nap until we could get something to eat on the plane.

Hours later, we arrived to Bora Bora. A cab was waiting for us outside the airport ready to transport us to our hotel, and once we got there all we could do was crash down in bed and sleep.

Shay woke up the next day pretty early, her enthusiasm and excitement for the trip definitely got the best of her. I was too tired to get up, but I knew we shouldn't let a second go to waste.

"Babe did you pack me my bikinis and swimsuits? I can't find any!" Shay said as she frustratedly looked through her bag.

Of course I had packed them, I just may have put them in my bag instead, on purpose.

"Yeah I did. You sure they're not in your bag somewhere?" I asked, playing dumb.

"I looked everywhere. Damn baby how am I supposed to go swimming now?" She pouted

"You can always go skinny dipping." I winked, which by the way was the point of this entire thing.

"No way, are you crazy?" Her eyes widened at my suggestion.

"Babe, we have our own pool right outside this glass door, no one can see you."

"What about when we want to swim in the ocean?"

"I'm sure we can find a place to buy you something by then. I kind of just want to swim privately by our pool today." I smirked, hinting that swimming wasn't all I wanted to do.

"Well, if i'm being honest that doesn't sound so bad." She approached me and placed her arms around my neck then gave me a kiss.

"One condition though," She continued "You have to get naked as well." She whispered in my ear and sent shivers down my spine.

"No arguments here." I raised my hands and laughed, I definitely have no problem with that.

Hours passed with us swimming, goofing around, and doing some other stuff... We ordered room service for lunch, and decided we'd go out for dinner instead.

We took separate showers to avoid delaying our dinner any further, and then got going.

"Babe there's a festival going on some place near the hotel, and from what our guide had told me it seems pretty fun. There's food and everything, you wanna go there?" I asked Shay

"Yeah that sounds nice. As long as there's food, I'm in. I'm starving, you took all my energy."

"Oh yeah, how?" I smirked and she glared at me, so I just laughed.

The festival was absolutely mind blowing, it was so beautiful to be introduced to such a different culture. We tried some foreign food, but ended up also getting pizza eventually. There were fire shows and music, and the night ended with everyone

making a wish and flying sky lanterns up high.

"What'd you wish for?" Shay asked me as we watched the lanterns fly away.

I grabbed onto her hand pretty tight and pulled her towards me, then ran my palm over her cheek.

"Nothing. I don't need to wish for anything because I have all I need right here with me." And it was true, I meant every word I said.

"I love you." She said and rested her forehead against mine, our eyes never breaking contact.

"I love you too baby girl."

That moment, was one for the books, one for the movies. It was priceless, perfect, words give it justice. It was our moment.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

 **Shay's POV.**

Ashley and I had an intense night, if you know what I mean. Being here with the person I care about most feels so wonderful, I'm so grateful for Ashley and so happy she brought me here. I was woken up by a nudge, for the first time in forever, my lady love actually woke up before me.

"Hey baby." She laid her head on one arm, and caressed my face with the other. The way she was looking at me, with nothing but love and admiration, her smile being so pure, it made me fall in love with her all over again.

"You're beautiful." I replied, probably looking at her the same way she was staring at me.

"So are you my love. Should we order in breakfast or eat by the shore?"

"Let's eat by the shore. I really need to shower first."

"Oh yeah? Want me to join you?" She winked

"No! Don't even think about it Ashley Benson." I laughed and got out of bed.

"What's wrong? You suddenly don't want this? You were stating otherwise last night." She smirked and pointed at her body.

"Oh believe me babe, I always want that. But if acted on it each time I did, we'd never leave this room."

"That's fine with me!" She jumped in defense.

"I love you, but let me shower in peace."

"Okay, okay. Be quick though, can't go long without seeing that beautiful face." She winked and I just shook my head and laughed, she's so cheesy sometimes.

I showered quickly and wrapped a towel around my body, then exited the bathroom.

I decided to do a little teasing and dropped the towel off my body as soon as I saw Ashley, then went to get some clothes.

I felt Ashley's arms wrap around my naked waist and soft kisses were pressed on my shoulder up to my neck. I couldn't help but throw my head back slowly and appreciate the feeling. She was so good like that, I always melted into her touch.

"Ash.. Baby, you need to shower so we can get going." It took everything within me to stop her, but I had to.

"Don't you wanna just stay in instead?" She breathed onto my neck.

"No baby, please we have to go."

"Okay." She pressed one final kiss on my neck and entered the bathroom.

I chose my outfit for the day and started fixing my hair, then I realized I needed a hair straightener and figured Ashley would have packed it in her bag. While looking through her bag, I found all my swimsuits in a small bag in her luggage. I quickly figured out the little game Ashley was playing.

"Ashley Victoria Benson!" I yelled as she was coming out of the bathroom.

"Okay ow! My ears hurt, i'm right here you don't gotta yell. What happened?" Her eyes widened and her hand was placed on her heart in shock.

"You hid my swimsuits didn't you?" I devilishly smiled

"I uh, I um- I don't r-recall doing so."

"Mhm, you hid my swimsuits so you could make me go for a naked swim with you, you little devil!"

She cracked in laughter and started walking towards me.

"You're saying it like it's a bad thing. You enjoyed it." She threw her arms around my neck and leaned in for a kiss, but I leaned back.

"Nope, no kisses for you. That's what you get for lying." I went back to fixing my hair, and left her hanging there.

"Come on Shay. Shannon. I want my kiss." She pouted

"Not gonna work baby girl, get dressed it's already 11 PM."

"Fine." She let out a sigh and finally surrendered to go change.

Ashley and I had breakfast at a beautiful café in the resort with an ocean view. When we were done, the guide had already planned a schedule with possibilities of what we could spend our day doing. For a start, Ashley and I went hiking alongside a group of tourists from all over the world. When we reached the top, we zip lined to the other side and it was scary as hell, but Ashley and I did it together so holding her hand was enough to get me through. We also went rafting in a lake, and a picnic was planned for lunch with the entire group.

As the sun was going down, we returned to our hotel to bathe and rest until dinner time. Ashley had already made dinner reservations, so we got ready as soon as we finished showering.

"You ready to go babe?" Ashley said as she put last touches on her make up.

"Yeah, just let me get my purse." I was wearing a black overall with black heels, and my hair was tied in a pony tail. Comfortable, but classic.

Ashley looked totally breathtaking, though. She didn't have anything formal on, but that's what I loved about her. She could literally wear anything and look absolutely gorgeous. She had a grey dress on, with a perfect cut around her breasts and boy did I drool. Her hair rested in waves over her shoulders, and her make up was simple yet elegant.

"You're stunning." I blurted out whilst still checking her from head to toe.

"So are you." She kissed me on the cheek then grabbed my hand and lead us out the door.

"So are we having dinner at the restaurant in the resort or are we going somewhere?" I asked her in the elevator.

"You'll see." She answered with a smile and I gave her a confused look.

When we got to the lobby, she entwined my fingers to hers and walked towards the door that leads to the beach. And then I saw it, a couple of meters away, right on the sand, was a table set up for two people. There were candles all around in the shape of a heart, and rose petals scattered all over the table. A bottle of wine and glasses along with plates were placed, and next to the table was a small tent with cushions scattered all over the sand.

"Y-you did all this?" I starred in awe, then turned around to face Ashley.

"Well technically I had some help." She chuckled, "Come on, let's go." She continued and we walked to our table.

Soft music was being played from somewhere near our location, and the weather was just perfect for a summer night.

A waiter took care of our orders and we chatted our way through the evening. When we were done eating, I suggested we move to lay on the cushions in the tent, but Ashley stopped me when I stood up.

"Wait, I um, I have to say something first, but you have to promise not to say anything until I'm done." She nervously blurted out. She had been acting weird throughout dinner, and I just couldn't place a finger on what seemed to be the problem. It seemed like a perfect night to me.

"Okay, go on." I chuckled and waited for her to start talking.

"When I was in high school, I fell in love with a best friend. I told that best friend how I felt and things got messy, I ended up having my heart broken. Since that day I promised myself not to fall in love with any of my best friends, because I didn't wanna hurt in that way anymore. Seven years ago, you came into my life. The first day I met you, I was awed by your beauty and intimidated by your talent, you stirred up feelings in me that scared the hell out of me, because they were new, different. I got to know you further, we became best friends, we dated other people, but at the back of my mind it was always just you and me, you know? Like I always had a feeling that's how things would end. When I finally admitted to myself and to you how I felt, things got messy again shortly after. It was the toughest few months I had ever went through in my life, because not only had I lost my lover, I had lost my best friend too. Somehow, you changed your mind and realized that we should be together, and I can tell you one thing, ever since the day you came to me with that decision I've been the happiest person alive. You stand by me the way nobody else does, you care for me and you love me with everything that you are. The happiness you give me is something that I genuinely cannot explain. You understand me better than I understand myself, and you always seem to make the complications go away. Even when I insist on being alone, you never actually leave me. Shannon, I'm in love with every little thing that you are. I'm in love with the way you sing in the shower, I'm in love with the way you hog the blanket at night, I'm in love with the way you look in the morning. I'm in love with your eyes, your smile, your hair, your body, but most importantly, I'm in love with your soul. Your warm heart, your humor, your outstanding talent, your sense of adventure, your positivity, and all the hard work you've put into us. I'm in love with you, Shannon Ashley Mitchell. You made me break that promise that I made to myself in high school, and I cannot thank you enough for that. You're not only my lover, you're my best friend, and if there is one thing that I want in this world, it is to spend the rest of my life with my best friend."

I was crying uncontrollably as I saw Ashley take out a little red box and lean down on one knee.

"So I ask you, Shay Mitchell, the love of my life, my one and only soulmate, and the person I care about most in this world. Will you marry me?"


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

 **Shay's POV.**

I wanted to say yes. Every bone in my body wanted to say yes. My beating heart wanted to say yes. But in that moment, I could've done anything other than saying yes.

I turned her down, I ran back to the room and cried my eyes out. She never showed up that night, all I heard later on was that she ended up getting drunk somewhere. I took the first flight that was available in the morning, and flew to Canada. I couldn't go back to LA, I couldn't face her.

When I went back to work, I had heard she quit her job. I don't blame her, she obviously doesn't want to face me. I blame myself, for putting her through this. All I know is that I couldn't say yes that night.

She moved to New York, that's what I was told. It's been a year and I hadn't seen her since that night, not even talked to her on the phone. Everything we had, I ended that night. I just couldn't say yes.

 _Okay, now I know what you're thinking, what sort of crazy person would let Ashley Benson go? Well, definitely not me. So here's what really happened last night..._

"So I ask you, Shay Mitchell, the love of my life, my one and only soulmate, and the person I care about most in this world. Will you marry me?"

My heart was beating so hard it was going to burst out of my chest. Somewhere between my teary eyes I could see her beautiful, tender smile and the tears she had running down on her cheeks. Her hands were shaking while she was patiently waiting for an answer. I tried to form a valid sentence, but I sort of lost my voice.

The love of my life had just asked me to marry her. It was A LOT to take in, but there was obviously only one right answer.

"Y-yes. Y-yes! Yes oh m-my god yes! Yes oh god Ashley yes." I rushed towards her and she caught me in open arms. I hugged her so tight we were both out of breath. I buried my face in her neck and breathed in her scent. I pulled back and placed back the locks of hair on her face behind her ears, then wiped her tears away, looking deep into her eyes.

"A thousand times yes, baby. A thousand times yes." I genuinely said, which made her take the big bright diamond ring out of the box and place it on my finger. It was the most beautiful ring I had ever seen, and while I was admiring it, fireworks blasted off in the night sky. I wasted no time, and did the thing I've been wanting to do since the second she popped the question. I pulled her towards me and drowned every emotion I was feeling into a deep kiss. It was a perfect moment, with a perfect girl.

 **Ashley's POV.**

My entire body was shaking and I couldn't stop crying. Tears of joy, of course. I had just done the most nerve-wracking thing that I could ever do, and asked the girl of my dreams to marry me. It's quite ironic how nervous I could get over something that feels so right, and with the person I'm most comfortable with. But the nerves are just proof of how in love I am with this woman, and how shook the thought of her saying no gets me.

We laid on the spread pillows in the tent, my arms wrapped around her and her head laying on my chest. I kissed her forehead every now and then, as we enjoyed the sound of the waves crashing on shore.

"I can't believe we're actually doing this." I broke the silence.

"We're engaged, babe. We're officially engaged." She was trying to let it sink it too, it was too good to be real, which is why it took us a while to prosper what was going on.

"You wanna go up to our room, and maybe, make love as fiancés for the first time ever?" I winked at her, making her smirk.

"You know I do."

"Come on." I laughed as I pushed her up, and while I grabbed her hand to get going, she stopped me.

"Ashley?" I turned around and faced her, wanting to make sure everything was okay.

"Yeah babe?" I looked at her with eyes full of concern and love.

"I just love you, so much. What you said tonight, I could never forget. Words can't put together how happy I am right now, or how happy I am whenever I'm with you. I guess all I really wanted to say is that, I love you. More than I've ever loved anything." She blushed and her eyes kept switching between contact with mine and with the ground.

I didn't have to say anything, she knew I felt exactly the same as well. I lifted her chin with my finger and pressed a soft kiss on her lips, then we headed to our room, but not as girlfriends, as fiancés.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

 **Shay's POV.**

Soon enough after long massage sessions, swimming, dancing and enjoying every moment, our trip to paradise ended. When we got back home, our friends threw us a party congratulating us on our engagement. It was very heartwarming to see how much they supported us and genuinely cared about our happiness. Our engagement was all over the media, obviously because the very next day after Ashley popped the question we posted pictures of our rings with cute captions making the announcement.

But returning home meant returning to old habits, which included fights. And even though Ashley and I had been together for a while now, this was the first fight we've had after we got engaged and it was certainly the biggest one.

"Thanks a lot for ruining our evening." I said under my breath as I roughly pushed through the door of my house.

"Excuse me? I ruined our evening? You honestly see no wrong in what you did?" Ashley followed me inside, her voice getting louder.

"And what exactly did I do?" I crossed my arms and waited for her to answer my question.

"Unbelievable. You're the one that requested we throw this stupid birthday party for Keegan in the first place, and when we did not only did you ditch me, but you ditched us all and chatted with some guy you barely even know all night long."

"For God's sake, it's called socializing! And just because we're together Ashley, doesn't mean we have to be attached hip by hip the entire time."

"So you're sick of me already, huh?"

"You know what, yes, i'm sick of you and your fucking jealous attitude!" She was getting on my last nerve and I was yelling words without even thinking.

"You think you're easy to deal with, Shannon? You're twice as frustrating as I am."

"Well if you think so, why did you ask me to marry you in the first place?!"

"If YOU think so, why did you even say yes?"

"Maybe it was a mistake!" My rage had gotten the best of me and I said the worst thing I could ever say, that deciding to

marry the person I care about most was a mistake. I clearly snapped out of my foolishness and realized what I said, but it was too late. Ashley's tears were easily pouring out of her eyes, and she was completely taken by surprise with my response.

"Fuck you." She said shaking her head, then grabbed her bag and headed towards the door. That's the least she could do, if I were her I'd slap me. _God, how can I be so stupid?_

"Ash please wait." I grabbed her arm but as a result of her tugging it away so hard, she fell on the ground.

"Don't fucking touch me." She slowly said as she got up again, she wouldn't even look me in the eye.

"Ash I-I'm sorry. I d-didn't mean that baby I swear." I said between sobs. I didn't want to lose her, I couldn't bare losing her.

"Don't call, don't text, don't even think about dropping by at my house."

"Baby please don't say-" Before I could even finish my sentence, she was already out the door.

"Ashley! Ashley wait! Please, wait." I was crying so hard I could barely breathe.

She was crying too, but she didn't look back. She got into her car and drove away.

I went back into the house and paced around, my tears wouldn't stop but I had to do something. I picked up the phone and called Tyler, he had always been the closest to Ashley on set besides me of course.

"Hello?" I heard him say a few rings later

"Tyler? Where are you?"

"Woah Shay are you okay?" He obviously noticed I was crying on the phone and it worried him.

"I messed up Ty. I messed up real real bad. I need your help."

"I'm on my way."


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

 **Shay's POV.**

I was pacing back and forth as I waited for Tyler to come over. I felt both anxious and nauseous, but mostly I felt guilty. _Out of anything else I could've said, how did I tell her that choosing to marry her was a mistake?_

The sound of a doorbell snapped me out of my toxic thoughts, and I quickly rushed to the door.

"What took you so long?!" I snapped at Tyler the second I opened up.

"Jeez Shay chill, you called me 5 minutes ago." He raised his hands in defense and walked into the house.

"What's going on anyways?" He calmly asked as he sat on the couch.

I took a deep breath and lowered my head to my hands. How can I even explain this?

"Shay?" He leaned in and put his hand on my back.

"I told her it was a mistake." I slowly whispered.

"What?" His tone full of confusion.

I removed my face from my hands and stared into empty space.

"I told her accepting her proposal was a mistake." My eyes tearing up at the memory.

"What? Are you crazy?" Tyler seemed both shocked and furious. He had always been super defensive when it came to Ashley.

"I messed up, okay?! We were arguing because she felt jealous that I didn't spend the night with her and that I was chatting with some guy instead, next thing you know arguing turns into fighting and me saying some stupid shit I shouldn't have said. I was mad, it's not an excuse, but I was. And now she's out there thinking I don't want to marry her because of something I wasn't even aware I was saying. God I'm such a fool!"I threw myself back on the couch as hot fresh tears poured out of my eyes.

"Shay, calm down. These things happen. Sure you shouldn't have said what you did, but it's not like you meant it. I'll talk to Ashley."

"No, no I need to handle this myself. If you saw her earlier tonight Ty, she wouldn't even let me come near her. I fucked up, and I have to be the one to fix it." I shook my head slowly.

"What are you going to do?" He said after nodding his head understandably.

"I'm going to leave her to calm down tonight, and I'll go see her tomorrow. I just need her to hear me out, that's all."

"She will. You may have said something stupid Shay, but it's not like Ashley doesn't know your intentions."

"I hope so. Thanks for coming over Ty."

"Hey, no need to thank me. Get some rest tonight, okay? I'll check in with you tomorrow."

"Okay." He pulled me into a hug and got on his way.

I got into bed, even though I knew I wasn't going to be getting any sleep tonight. I decided to send her one final text for the night.

 _I love you and I'm sorry. I hope you know I would never hurt you on purpose, and that all this was is a stupid tongue slip. You're everything to me._

I hit send and placed my phone on the nightstand. After tossing and turning for a fair amount of time, I finally fell asleep.

 _Next Day_

 **Ashley's POV.**

I woke up with a massive headache, then I realized that must've been due to how much I cried last night. Thinking about what happened hurts me beyond words, and I guess love really does suck sometimes. Feeling my eyes getting watery again at the memory, I immediately got up and washed my face. I decided going for a run might be a good idea to shake off all the negative energy. So I got dressed and headed for the door, but as I turned the knob, I saw a familiar face standing on my door step.

Her eyes were red and puffy, her hair was put in a messy bun, she was in sweats and a t shirt, something Shay wouldn't even wear if it's the last piece of clothing she had. I felt like pulling her into my arms and slapping her both at once.

"What are you doing here?" I coldly said, it wasn't my intention, but it's just how my brain reacted to seeing her.

"I uh, I n-needed to see you." Her voice was raspy and I figured she must've been crying all night too.

"Well I was just leaving, so."

"Please Ash, just give me a minute."

"A minute for what?"

"To explain. Please just listen to me. You always said that whenever something happens between us what matters most is that we listen to each other. Please baby." I don't know whether it was her bringing up what I normally find the logical thing to do, or her calling me _baby_ that softened me up, but I nodded and went inside the house, waiting for her to follow me.

"Ash, look at me." I had my arms crossed and I was leaning against the back of the couch. My eyes were fixed on the ground.

"Ashley please..." She was getting closer by the second and the only choice I had left was to look at her, so I did. _And damn, the things her dark brown eyes do to me._

"I didn't mean what I said. You know I didn't. It was a moment of anger and confusion and words just came out, words I had no control over."

"What I know Shannon, is that I would never doubt us. What you said means that you doubt us, you doubt all that we could ever be."

"No,I don't! You're the one thing I've ever been sure about in my entire life. That's bigger than anything I could've ever said. Look, I'm sorry okay? I'm so so sorry. I know what I said hurt you, I feel like shit and if I could take it back I would. But you have to know that it was a pure innocent mistake."

Tears were blurring my vision, but after thinking over and over again last night, I knew there was only one thing I needed as of the moment.

"Shay, I think we need some space." I slowly said without even daring to make eye contact, but after I had said what I did, I could see her eyes widen in shock.

"W-what? What are you talking about? Are you messing with me?" She was shaking her head in confusion and shock.

"We need it."

"No! The only thing I need, hell the only thing I want is _you!_ Don't you believe me?"

"I do believe you. But Shay, you have to know that marriage is a huge decision. I made the choice of asking you to marry me because I knew that you're the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with. But we can't go on with that decision if you're not 100% sure it's what you want too."

"I am sure! I am more than sure. I told you, you're the only thing I've ever been this sure about. Why are you doing this?!" She was yelling and crying at once. I knew I was causing her pain, but it was the right thing to do.

"Shannon please, don't make this harder than it already is. It's just a break, you have to understand that after last night I have to be sure that this is what you want. I'm not saying I don't believe you, but if I don't give you time to think things through, who knows what might slip out of your mouth a week from now? You said you were sick of me, Shannon. It's not something I can easily get over." I firmly said, but God knows how hard I was crying.

"I d-don't want to spend a second apart from you." Her breathing was frantic and she was grabbing on to my hands so tight.

"Baby please, we have to do this." I moved the palm of my hand to the side of her cheek, and wiped her tears away one by one. She pulled me closer for a tight hug, then took a deep breath and pulled away.

"Okay. If this is what you really need, then I'll be waiting."

"I love you."

"I love you too." And soon enough I felt my heart break once again as she headed towards the door.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

 **Shay's POV.**

 _What was I supposed to say? What was I supposed to do? She had made her decision, she wanted space, and it's all my fault. I don't know how to fix this mess I got myself in, and to be honest, I'm too tired to try. Maybe we do need a break, maybe for us take a step towards marriage, we need a healthy and fresh start._

For the next week, Ashley and I barely said a word to each other on set. I would glance at her every now and then, and sharply hold my breath. I had the biggest urge to talk to her, to hold her, to kiss her, but I had to give her the time she needed.

The cast had agreed to rent a beach house for the weekend, because we only had a few more weeks left till wrapping and we wanted to make some final memories of us all together in one place. I had been extremely excited for the trip before, but now that the time has come, and considering Ashley and I's situation, I'm not even sure I want to go.

I finished wrapping around noon on Friday, and we were set to leave for the trip in the evening. As I grabbed my bag to head for my workout, I heard Troian calling my name.

"Shay wait up!" She said. It was obvious that the entire cast and crew had become aware that there's something wrong with Ashley and I, but I shrugged it off anytime someone would ask me about it. Only Tyler knew.

"Hey Troi." I quietly said

"You ready for the big trip?" She enthusiastically said

"Uhm, to be honest Troi, I don't think I'm gonna make it." _I just truly wasn't feeling it._

"What?! Are you insane? It's our last trip all together Shay!"

"There will be other trips, it's not like we're not going to see each other any more."

"Yeah but not like this! Come on Shay, what changed your mind? You were so excited."

"I'm just not exactly in the best place right now."

"Because of Ashley?" She slowly asked, obviously trying to be sensitive about the subject.

"What about Ashley?"

"We all know there's something going on between you two, you don't have to hide this or deal with it on your own."

"That's the thing, I am dealing with it on my own. I just don't think I'll be able to have any fun when we're both going to be there together, but not _actually_ together."

"Shan, I get that whatever is going on between you two must be tough, but this is going to be a trip to remember! We're all going to be there as a family, having fun, making memories. Besides, it might be a good place to fix things with Ash. Come on Shay, for me?" She made a pouty face that made me want to laugh. I mean, it's not really a bad idea, is it?

"Okay fine, I guess." I finally gave in.

"Yes! Okay now get going, we both know how long it takes you to pack little miss fashionista."

"Fuck you." I laughed then got on my way.

After my work out, I headed home and packed for our weekend getaway. With all the swimming and tanning going on, I'm pretty sure I'll be in my bikini half of the time, which is perfect to drive Ashley absolutely crazy. I smirked to myself, before my phone vibrated. It was a text from Lucy, reminding me that I had to pick her him since she's riding with me.

A couple of hours later, Lucy and I arrived at the beach house. Most of the cast was already there, except for a few people.

"Hey look who's here!" Ian yelled when he saw Lucy and I enter the house.

Ian, Tyler, Troian, Sasha, and Brant were hanging around the place. Keegan and Janel hadn't arrived yet, and although my eyes kept looking, Ashley was nowhere to be seen.

"Sorry guys, we got stuck in traffic." Lucy said as the guys got our suitcases from the car.

After chatting for a bit, I took my suitcase and looked around for a room to stay in. I opened the door and didn't notice anyone else's bags inside, so I entered and placed my things around. As I was checking the room's balcony's view though, I noticed that a bag was already placed behind the door. Before I could figure out who's bag it was, Ashley came out of the bathroom, dripping wet, in nothing but a freaking towel. My breath got caught in my chest, and I gasped at the sight. Partly because she's so goddamn beautiful, but also because I had no idea she was in this particular room. She looked equally surprised to see me.

"Uh, I-I, hum, s-sorry. I d-didn't know, that uh, you had this r-room." I got barely form a sentence, "I'll just go find another room." But before I could prepare myself to leave, that beautiful angelic voice rang through my ears.

"No, it's okay. Stay, most of the rooms have probably been taken by now anyways." I wasn't sure if she was saying that because she wanted me to stay, or because she was forced to.

"Are y-you sure? I can always switch with some-"

"Shay it's fine, really." She nodded, and I couldn't help but get lost in those baby blue eyes.

As she turned around to change however, and the towel was dropped to reveal her entire back, I bit my lip harshly and realized how _long_ of a trip this was going to be.


End file.
